


Pink & Purple Lipstick

by LostImp



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Angst, Bisexual Katya, Depression, High School, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Questioning Trixie, Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-08 17:02:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14109969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostImp/pseuds/LostImp
Summary: Katya has been Trixie's best friend ever since she arrived from Russia when they were children. However when Trixie starts to notice that something is not quite right between Katya and her boyfriend, a whole confusing mixture of feelings are stirred up, and she doesn't quite know how to deal with it.





	1. Part One

“Kats, where’s my hairspray?”

“Under the bed”

“Why would it be – forget it”

Trixie reached under the bed, and there, of course, was her hairspray. 

“Do you need to always hide my things?” she asked, spraying a decent amount of strong hold hairspray into her long, blonde waves.

“Someone needs to keep you on your toes” Katya answered, dropping herself onto her bed to tie up her black combat boots.

“You’re right. Finding my things in your shoes or on top of the wardrobe is really what I’m missing in my life” Trixie said, rolling her eyes.

“You’re welcome, Barbie,” she replied, kissing her cheek before sliding along her banisters down the stairs.

Trixie pulled on her own pristine tennis shoes, grabbing her pink lip-gloss and followed her best-friend down to the kitchen.

“How’s my two favourite girls this morning?”

“Morning мама”

“Good morning, Miss Mara” Trixie smiled, as Katya’s mother wrapped her in a quick hug.

“Eggs will be done in two minutes, juice and toast are ready for you” Margarita told them before returning to the stove to finish their eggs.

“Coffee, мама?” Katya asked, taking a bite from her toast.

“Oh sorry, my дорогой, right here” she said, producing a pot of coffee and a mug with a flourish.

Trixie’s tea sat in front of her already, in her favourite pink mug, as it did every morning. She smiled to herself before digging into her own breakfast hungrily.

Trixie had been officially living with Katya and her mother for almost a year at this point, while her parents were living out of state on deployment, and she couldn’t be happier. The Russian household was far warmer and more easy-going than her own. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her parents, it’s just that they were strict military people who focused more on grades and colleges more than they did on their daughter’s interests and happiness. It took a lot of convincing for the Mattels to leave Trixie with the Zamolodchikovas when they were deployed to a base in Texas, especially given that Margarita, for all intents and purposes, was a single mother, now that Katya’s father had returned to Russia, but eventually they gave in. Trixie remembered her mother’s last words to her very well, “Beatrice, your father and I are allowing you to stay with the Zamolodchikova’s for the sole purpose of you bettering your education. Do not let us down.” And she didn’t.

As she and Katya began their twenty-minute stroll to school, Trixie was running over her facts and figures on Russian leaders for her history exam for the hundredth time in her head, while Katya babbled aimlessly beside her.

“Kats, I will honestly pay you to shut up for just five minutes” she interrupted.

“That would be futile. No monetary bribe can silence my voice” Katya announced dramatically, “but seriously, Trix, relax. You know your Russian facts better than I do, and I lived there for five years” she assured her, taking Trixie’s hand in her own and swinging it between them

“Thanks, Kats” she smiled sweetly, “so what were you saying about the Ukrainian figure skating team?”

They fell back easily into conversation before they reached the school and parted ways to attend their different classes.

 

Trixie was home before Katya, which was a regular occurrence, as her best friend liked to stay and use the gym after school to practice her acrobatics. It was a skill she had learnt as a child in Russia, that she had refused to part with, claiming it kept her elastically intact with her homeland. Katya’s mother was out, most likely with her friends. Her soon to be ex-husband had kindly left a large sum of his millions to his wife and daughter when he abandoned them, which allowed Margarita to continue her life as a social butterfly. Trixie was grateful, really, seeing Katya and her mother so much happier with Mr. Zamolodchikova gone and side-benefits including her ability to live in their lavish home.

Given that it was a Friday, Trixie allowed herself a break from her schoolwork that afternoon to focus on her favourite hobby – baking. She hoped that Katya would be staying in tonight, so that they could maybe watch a movie and enjoy the mint chocolate chip cookies that she had decided on making. Margarita, or Mara as Trixie affectionately called her for over a decade, had cleared a baking-specific cupboard for Trixie when she had moved in, and graciously kept it well stocked for her second daughter.  
Listening to her Dolly Parton playlist, Trixie practically danced around the kitchen as she mixed together her ingredients, enthusiastically singing along to the words of Nine-To-Five. As the cookies went into the oven, she began to clean the kitchen, leaving it pristinely spotless, another skill she had been given by her parents. “Cleanliness is next to Godliness, Beatrice”, was drilled into her brain.

“Привет, Tracy. I smell heaven” Katya called, dumping her bag at the door and following her nose to the kitchen. 

“Hi, Kats” she greeted, feeling arms wrap around her waist and a soft kiss pressed against her cheek.

“What magical confection have you created today?” she asked, jumping up onto the freshly-cleaned counter.

“If you don’t stop kicking your filthy boots against the counter, you don’t get any mint chocolate-chip cookies” 

Katya stuck out her tongue, sliding off the counter as Trixie pulled the freshly baked cookies from the oven. Grabbing one from the tray, Katya cursed, dropping the cookie and flailing her hands madly while her best friend simply laughed at her.

“Trix, I’m injured, stop laughing”

“I think it’s a head injury, you idiot. You saw me take them directly out of a super-hot oven” Trixie smiled, before she took Katya’s hand in her own, “let me take a look.” 

Whimpering slightly, Katya allowed the other girl to put burn-spray on her palm before handing her a cooler cookie, taking one for herself and sitting down on a tall chair at the counter.

“So Matt is taking me out tonight”, Katya started, taking a large, chocolate filled bite, “at this cool new bar in town. I need you to help me do some dramatic eye-makeup, since you know, you like dramatic eye look”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Trixie asked, trying to hide her disappointment at the fact that Katya would be going out with her boyfriend instead of staying in with her, for the third Friday in a row.

“You know what I mean, Trix! Your look isn’t exactly subtle” she grinned, gesturing to Trixie’s bubble gum pink dress with matching lips and thick eyeliner, topped off with large waves of voluminous blonde curls.

“And yours is?” she retorted, referencing Katya’s black dress covered in colourful patches with purple lips and combat boots.

Katya threw her head back in loud, cackling laughter, and Trixie couldn’t help but join in. There was something inside of her that did backflips whenever she made her best friend laugh, like a soft ping in her heart.

“Also, have you forgotten that you’re sixteen, not twenty-one? I know your boyfriend is nineteen, but still. I don’t even know how you get in to bars.” 

“Well Matt can be pretty convincing. Plus he says he knows the guy at the door at this new bar, so it should be fine. Do you want to come this time?” Katya asked, already knowing the answer. Trixie never said anything, but she knew her best friend well enough to know that she didn’t like Matt very much.

“It’s ok. I have heaps of work to do tonight. You know what mother says, ‘Beatrice, education comes before recreation’” Trixie mimicked.

“Whatever you say, mom” 

It was a half-hearted excuse, but it’s all Trixie could muster. She didn’t like Matt, because she didn’t like what he did to Katya. She drinks too much around him, and though she swears she has only tried his weed once, Trixie isn’t convinced. Spending any amount of time with Matt makes her quite angry, and she just can’t pin-point exactly why.

“But will you pretty please still help me with my make-up? I really need to look pretty” Katya asked, pouting.

“You always look pretty. But sure” she agreed and allowed herself to be pulled upstairs unenthusiastically to Katya’s bedroom.

 

After three hours of hair, makeup and clothing decisions, Trixie was standing proudly behind Katya, who was admiring their handy-work in the mirror. Her hair was like Trixie’s but softer, in lighter waves, with dark makeup, re-applied purple lipstick and a killer red dress. She had refused to part with her combat boots, claiming they gave her an air of mystery, at which Trixie had scoffed, but obliged.

“I look good!” Katya smiled triumphantly.

“Like I said, you always look good”

“Shut up you lesbian” Katya joked.

Trixie visibly tensed.

“Sorry” Katya apologised quickly, “slipped out by mistake”

“It’s fine” 

A text message interrupted their awkward mirror-stare. 

“That’s Matt, he’s outside” Katya explained, “will you tell my mom I’m out?” 

“Sure, have fun Kat” Trixie hugged her as her best friend disappeared down the stairs, this time not taking the banisters.

 

Sometime after one in the morning, Trixie sat curled up, makeup-less on the large leather couch in the living room, her long waves pinned up into a loose bun. A knitted blanket covered her soft-pink boy-shorts and vest. Clueless played quietly in the background while she scrolled through her Instagram feed, double-tapping another picture of coffee, someone’s baby sister, girls in bikinis. She stopped on the picture of the tall, leggy girls on the beach. Pretty, she thought, but not interesting like… She shut the thought down immediately at the sound of the door opening.

“Kats?” she whisper-yelled.

“Shhh, Tracy. Be quiet” Katya called back in a much louder register.

Dragging herself from the couch, she ran out to the hall, pulling Katya into the kitchen before she woke her sleeping mother.

“You’re drunk” she stated, smelling the vodka wafting from her best-friends mouth.

“I just had a couple few small drinks” Katya hiccupped. 

“Sure. Sit here, I’ll get you some water.” 

Katya lifted herself clumsily back onto the kitchen counter, kicking her books to the ground.

Handing her friend two painkillers and a large class of water, Trixie instructed the drunk girl to stay where she was while she got makeup wipes from the bathroom. This was starting to become a routine she knew all too well.

“Trixie, you look cute in pink” Katya giggled, as she returned to the room.

“I always wear pink” 

“You always look cute”

Trixie stood in front of her, leaning in to wipe the makeup from her cheek. Katya seized her opportunity and kissed Trixie’s lips softly.

“No, Katya” Trixie scolded, pulling away.

“Why not? You always let me kiss you” Katya moaned.

“Not now, not like this” she leaned in once more to remove her heavy makeup, ignoring the other girls’ advances. She used one wipe for her foundation, another for her purple lips and a third one for her eyes. Moving to clean Katya’s final eye, her best-friend winced under her touch.

“What is it?” Trixie asked anxiously, pulling away.

“Nothing, sorry” Katya smiled, “keep going.” 

Trixie cleaned the last of the eyeliner from Katya’s face, turning back to rinse it with a warm cloth when she gasped.

“Katya?” she whispered.

“What?” 

“Why is your eye purple?” 

“It’s probably lipstick, Trixie. Remember? You did my lips” Katya responded quickly.

“Katya, don’t bullshit me. I used different wipes. What happened?”

“Oh, I, I walked into someone’s elbow at the bar tonight when I was dancing, I think. Don’t start, I know, I’m drunk. It’s bad. I’m an idiot!” Katya joked.

“Kats..” Trixie said softly, grabbing her hand, “are you lying to me?”

“Tracy Martel, would I ever lie to you?” Katya grinned, trying to lighten the mood.

“Ok. Let’s go to bed. I’m tired and you have an impending hangover to sleep off” Trixie sighed, pulling her friend from the counter.

Upstairs Katya casually threw all of her clothes around the room, stripping to just her underwear before removing her bra and pulling on an oversized t-shirt. She was never shy about her body, and at this point, Trixie had seen her without clothes enough times to not even bat an eyelid.

Crawling into her bed, Katya opened her arms for her best friend to join her. Trixie had her own room, of course, but she rarely used it. Katya’s bed had plenty of space for the two of them, and it was just nicer this way, Trixie always thought. Except for tonight, while Katya fell quickly asleep beside her, Trixie lay awake thinking about bruised eyes and kisses, a ball of anxiety sitting heavily on her chest.

 

It was the sound of loud retching that greeted Trixie the following morning when she dragged herself from the warm bed. Stumbling sleepily out the door, she found a watery eyed Katya leaning against the toilet bowl.

“Morning, sunshine” she said softly, sitting down beside her on the cold floor.

“Too loud, Trix” Katya groaned, retching once more into the toilet.

“Sorry, honey. Not feeling it this morning”, Trixie rubbed her back.

“I’m sorry. I’m gross”

“Oh please, I’ve seen you in far worse situations” Trixie smiled.

“I drank too much” she admitted.

“I’d never guess” 

“Matt kept buying me pink drinks, though, and it reminded me of you, so I drank them. Now my bodily fluids are pink” 

Trixie laughed quietly behind her, rinsing a cloth in cold water under the sink and holding it to Katya’s forehead, as she leaned back into her touch.

“Trix, will you sing for me?” Katya mumbled.

“Sure, honey” Trixie smiled. This was a classic Katya move. Trixie didn’t like singing in front of people, even her best friend sometimes, but she was happy to oblige when Katya wasn’t feeling well. 

Softly, she began to sing Once Upon A Dream from Sleeping Beauty, a movie they had watched uncountable times as small children. She felt Katya noticeably relax into her arms. 

“I like when you sing Lana Del Rey” Katya said, when she had finished.

“You know it’s not her song?” Trixie checked.

“I know. I’m just annoying you. It’s our childhood movie” Katya smiled.

“Good”

 

After a while on the bathroom tiles, Katya felt well enough to brave the stairs, meeting her cheerful mother in the kitchen, piles of pancakes stacked on the counter waiting for them.

“Good morning!” Margarita greeted, spinning around to greet both girls, “Oh, мой ребенок, what happened to your eye?”

“It’s ok, мама. I just ran into someone’s elbow last night” Katya replied, swatting her fussing mother’s hands away from her face.

So she’s sticking with that story, Trixie thought to herself.

“My poor baby, I have a cream for that. I’ll find it for you. You girls enjoy your pancakes. They aren’t as good as my Trixie’s, but I tried” she smiled, before going in search of some Russian medical cream upstairs, no doubt.

“Katya, are you sure you ran into an elbow last night?” Trixie questioned, sitting down to her plate of blueberry pancakes.

“It was either that, or someone wearing a unicorn horn” Katya deflected.

“And how are things with Matt?” she continued.

“Drop it, Trix. Everything's fine, we’re good. I swear” Katya gave her a warning look.

“Ok” Trixie mumbled in response, still unable to shake the gut feeling she had telling her something was up. Ever since Katya had told her that she and Matt had slept together, she hadn’t been completely comfortable with the relationship. Rationalising with herself, she decided to cease her questioning of her friend for the moment, as it clearly wasn’t helping.

So, they sat in comfortable silence, enjoying their breakfast, Trixie’s eyes tired and Katya’s eye purple, one drinking a pink cup of tea, and the other, a dark cup of coffee.


	2. Part Two

Katya spent the rest of Saturday nursing her hangover while Trixie sat beside her studying, and the majority of Sunday was spent in their favourite local coffee shop, Idle Hour. Trixie indulged in her usual decadent hot chocolate while Katya enjoyed an entire pot of dark, black coffee. Their coffee shop visits were almost ritualistic at this point, a weekly tradition that began when they turned twelve and Trixie’s parents gave her the responsibility of going out alone, unsupervised, for half an hour. 

Monday morning, they woke to heavy rain beating on the large bay window of Katya’s bedroom. Groaning, Katya sleepily mumbled something about losing her life in a flood in an unsuccessful bid to stay in bed, which Trixie expected and was used to. After ten minutes of pleading and pulling, her best friend finally dragged herself out of bed, pulling a dark, worn hoodie over a pair of black skinny jeans, topped off with her signature boots and purple lipstick. She also made sure to cover her darkened eye with a large amount of concealer.

“Feeling like a ray of sunshine today, are we Kats?”

“Barbie, the weather is glum, therefore I am glum”

Trixie rolled her eyes as she pulled on a pair of pale pink skinny jeans and a white top and pink pumps to match. Other than the colour schemes they had chosen, they had dressed alike. Katya grinned at their outfit choices before descending the stairs once more, on the banister.

Katya’s hesitant morning start led to a rushed breakfast, which had Trixie on edge. It was drilled into her that punctuality should always be top priority in her life, another gem from her parents. “Beatrice, tardiness is intolerable an unacceptable in this home’, they had told a nine-year-old Trixie when she arrived home ten minutes late from the Zamolodchikova’s.

“I swear, Kats, if I’m late to French this morning I’ll paint your boots pink” Trixie warned, hastily finishing her toast.

“Now, now Trix, if you like my boots that much I’m sure we could find a pink pair for you” 

“Have you made it your sole mission in life to torture me?”

“Why of course. Nothing brings me more pleasure than forcefully de-brainwashing you from whatever line about punctuality your parents fed you in the womb”

“Gross, Katya, not while I’m eating” she complained while Katya grinned smugly to herself.

“There is nothing gross about the female reproductive system. You and I both have one. Fun fact, we are at our most fertile stages of sexual reproduction and - “

“Yekaterina, leave poor Trixie alone” her mother laughed, joining them in the kitchen.

“Sorry Trix” Katya giggles, pressing a kiss to her best friend’s cheek before they both grabbed their bags to leave for school. 

Margarita handed them their rain jackets and gave each girl a quick hug as they ran out the door to the car. It belonged to Katya though she didn’t use it much. They preferred to walk, especially after an incident involving the car and a tree a few months beforehand.

 

They made it into school relatively dry before parting ways with a promise to see each other in health class later on. It was Katya’s favourite class because it allowed her to freely whisper sexual innuendos to an uncomfortable and blushing Trixie.

Meeting by the lockers, they walked hand in hand into class, sitting by a couple of their friends who took the same class. Trixie and Katya were inseparable, though that didn’t mean they didn’t socialise. 

“Hi Trix, how are you baby?” Danny asked, kissing her on the cheek. Danny wore dark makeup like Katya’s and ripped clothes and they strongly believed in the idea of gender being a toxic construct. And they had always been incredibly affectionate, especially with Trixie.

“Hi Dan” she smiled, cuddling into their side.

“I hate you too, Danny” Katya joked before they had time to greet her.

“That’s ok, I love you Kats” Courtney interrupted, the pretty, blonde cheerleader pulling Katya into her lap.

“Trixie, Danny, we have moved on. Courtney and I shall marry, have multiple children and open an aerial school on the outskirts of town to teach young, impressionable humans   
how to fly” Katya announced, wrapping her arms around Courtney’s neck.

“Stealing my gig?” Violet asked, arriving in beside her friends.

“Well, Vi, if you’re super sweet and nice we might offer you a job” Katya smirked.

“That’s not very fair. Vi doesn’t know how to be super nice” Trixie interjected, much to Violets annoyance.

“I hate all of you” Violet grumbled, slumping her small, toned body into a seat beside Katya.

“Любите вас тоже, Vi” 

Their casual antics were silenced by their teacher clapping her hands loudly from the front of the room, informing the class that their topic for the day was consent, and that any and all questions were accepted and encouraged, as always. Oddly, Trixie felt Katya stiffen beside her, shooting her a quizzical look, as talking about anything sex-related never made her uncomfortable.

Ms. Winters was kind and understanding and she really did welcome all queries from her students, especially given the topic of the week. She began to make her way through the lesson, defining consent, and what does and does not qualify as a safe, consensual sexual encounter. 

“Ms. Winters, what about in a relationship?” Courtney asked nervously.

“Great question Courtney” she beamed, “and in a relationship, consent follows the same exact rules, no matter how long you’ve been together. Let’s say, as an example, that you’ve had a couple of drinks, and you may be a little tipsy, and your significant other of three years is with you. Whether they are also drunk or not, they shouldn’t initiate anything that you cannot reasonably consent to with a clear mind.”

“What if they know you though, they know what you like, and that you’d probably be ok with it?” Danny asked.

“Well, Danny, it’s that ‘probably’ that gives us issues. Just because you might engage in regular sexual activity, if you cannot, in that specific moment, give full and enthusiastic consent, then that’s not right, no matter how much you trust or love that person. It’s their responsibility to respect your body, whether intoxicated or not,” Ms. Winters explained.

Katya, who had begun to feel exceptionally queasy, abruptly stood up, brushing passed Violet and running out the classroom door. 

“Trixie, will you please go make sure Katya is feeling alright?” the teacher asked calmly, “and come get me if you need to.”

Trixie, who was already on her feet, nodded solemnly and exited the classroom quickly. 

“Kats?”

“Trixie. I’m fine, go back to class.” 

“It’s ok, I’ll wait here with you. What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine. I’m just not feeling well”

“In that case,” Trixie said, leaning against the door of the bathroom cubicle, “let me take you to the nurse.”

“Trixie. Go away!” Katya raised her voice.

“Katya, this isn’t like you. You don’t yell at me. What’s happening here?”

Suddenly pulling the door open, she pushed past Trixie and along the hallway, bursting through the doors to the parking lot. By the time the other girl caught up with her she was already mid-conversation on the phone. The rain from earlier that morning had not eased, and was pouring down on top of them, which Katya was grateful for as it merged with the warm, angry tears coming from her now, more visibly purple eye.

“Kats, please, come back inside, or we can go home. Just somewhere out of the rain” Trixie pleaded, her soft curls flattened against her back in the rain.

“Go away Trixie, Matt is going to be here in five minutes” Katya threw back at her, hanging up the phone.

“You called Matt?” Trixie yelled, feeling herself becoming more and more angry, “why would you call him and not talk to me?”

“Just go inside, I don’t need you. Matt can take care of me!” Katya yelled back.

“Clearly he can’t! All he does is hit you!” Trixie shouted. Her hand flew immediately to her mouth, appalled by what she had just said.

“Fuck you, Trixie!” Katya screamed before turning and running across the parking lot as she saw her boyfriends’ car pull up.

Trixie felt tears pricking her own eyes as she turned and trudged back up the school steps towards the bathroom. She felt awful, and she had no idea what she was going to do about it.

 

It was Danny that located Trixie sitting alone on the ground in front of her locker after class. She had tied her wet hair into a ponytail and removed all of her makeup, unable to salvage the messy mascara tracks that had run down her face earlier in the afternoon.

“Hi Barbie doll,” Danny said softly, “no more makeup?”

“It got ruined. I had to take it off” she mumbled, as Danny joined her on the floor.

“Where’s your partner in crime?” Danny asked, wrapping their arm around Trixie’s shoulders as she leaned into their embrace.

“She left. With Matt.” 

“Is she alright?”

“We had a fight. I fucked things up and she’s not happy with me” Trixie admitted sadly.

“Come on babe, this is you and Kats we’re talking about. I’m sure whatever fight you had will be salvaged over one of your delicious blueberry muffins and a home screening of   
Contact” Danny smiled.

“I don’t know this time, Dan, she was pretty mad. And I said something awful.” She felt new tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she looked sadly up at Danny’s comforting   
face.

“Oh honey, you’re really upset about this? Trix, it’s you and Katya. You’re inseparable, always have been. Ever since that manic Russian arrived here twelve years ago,” they soothed, rubbing large tears from Trixie’s bare cheeks as they began to fall slowly, “why don’t you go home for today?”

“I can’t go home,” she sniffed, “I have to stay here. I have two more classes. Plus it’s raining and Katya has the car keys.”

“Well, Trix, I’m not sure how well you’re going to be able to concentrate on class today, and you’re already, like, twenty times smarter than the rest of the school. Also I think you   
can call your other mother to come get you. She loves you as if you were her own daughter at this point” Danny smiled.

Trixie nodded as Danny stood up, pulling their friend to her feet and into a bear hug, adding a soft kiss to her forehead, “love you, Trix”

“Love you too, Danny. And thanks, for dealing with, you know,” she gestured to her rather dishevelled looking self, “this.”

Exactly five minutes after Trixie texted Margarita to ask if she would come get her, as she wasn’t feeling well, her large car pulled up outside.

“Hi honey,” Margarita greeted sadly when Trixie sat down beside her, “are you sick, my love?”

“No… just.. a bad day I guess” Trixie sighed.

“Oh my poor Trixie. I am so glad you texted me, I was just leaving for my встреча, but now I am able to bring you home first. Unless you need me to stay? Would you like me to   
stay with you?”

“No, no, Mara it’s ok” she assured, “I’ll be ok”

“And where is my Yekaterina today?”

“She… she was busy. I didn’t tell her I was coming home.” Trixie didn’t want to lie, so she just told half-truth so as not to make Katya angrier with her.

“Ok, my love. I will be back after dinner, you look after yourself” she said, kissing the younger girl’s cheek softly, letting Trixie out of the car outside of their home.

Trixie treated herself to a warm shower as soon as she got in the door, hoping to wash off the horrible feeling sitting on her gut. She knew she shouldn’t have yelled at Katya, but she was worried, and Katya is so stubborn. Attempting to shake the worry from her mind, she pulled on one of Katya’s hoodies over her pink shorts, before returning downstairs to bake. Her blueberry muffins had become her signature piece and making them always cheered her up. Not to mention, her best friend loved them, and they might win her back some favour with Katya.

Trixie baked her muffins, and let them cool, and cleaned the kitchen, and finished an essay, made herself a snack, braided her hair into two French braids, painted her nails a baby-blue colour and read through her history notes, but Katya didn’t come home.

After hours of waiting, she gave in and tried to ring her friend, but it went straight through to her familiar answering machine.

‘Приветствие, это Катя, Я, наверное, занят или, может быть, мертв. Я постараюсь позвонить вам, если я выживу. До свидания!’

Trixie hung up. To this day, she had no clue what Katya was saying, but she liked it. She loved hearing her speak Russian because it made her smile, and there were very few things Trixie liked more than seeing Katya happy.

Figuring she wasn’t helping anything by worrying downstairs, Trixie went to go to bed, walking into Katya’s room and staring at the bed. She always slept there, but tonight it didn’t feel right. So she left, climbing into her bed in the next room over, where she spent little to no time, wrapping herself tightly in the cold duvet. Trixie rarely went to bed unhappy, but tonight she went to bed feeling somethings she hadn’t felt in a long time, alone.

Margarita arrived home an hour or so later. She found Katya’s bed empty, and Trixie asleep in her room. She knew her girls well enough to understand that something was wrong but didn’t feel the need to intervene just yet. She would keep an eye, and step in when she felt she had to.

 

When Trixie awoke, the house was just as quiet as it was when she fell asleep. In the kitchen, there was no toast on the counter, no wafting smell of coffee or eggs on the stove. Checking her phone, she realised that if she wanted to make it into school on time, she needed to leave ten minutes ago. However, when she answered a panicked phone call from Margarita, classes lost all priority in her mind.

“Mara? Is everything ok?” 

“Is Katya home?”

“No, I don’t think so. Did something happen?”

“She didn’t come home last night, my love. Do you have any idea where she is, or where she was after school?”

Trixie could tell that Margarita was worried, which didn’t happen often. She had never restrained her daughter from doing anything for as long as Trixie had known her. She relied on Katya being able to take care of herself, to make smart decisions and to come home on time.

“I never got a text, Trixie. She always sends me a text if she’s staying out. And she won’t answer her phone”

“I think she was with Matt” Trixie admitted, biting her bottom lip.

“With Matt? For the night?”

The little information Margarita had of her daughter’s boyfriend didn’t amount to much. She had met him in passing a time or two when he collected Katya from their house, but other then that, he was a virtual stranger.

“I’m not sure. I think so, but I don’t know where he lives”

None of their conversation was sitting well with Trixie. As far as she believed, Matt wasn’t a good person, and he was hurting Katya and the fact that she wasn’t reachable by phone and had left in his car the day before added to her growing concern.

“I can text some of our friends, see if she stayed with them?” Trixie offered.

“Oh would you, darling? Thank you. I think I am going to come home to wait for her. Driving around all morning isn’t helping”

“I promise I’ll call you if I hear anything” 

“Thank you, my love. Make sure you get breakfast, darling, before school”

“I will” Trixie smiled, hanging up. She loved her second mother almost more than her own. In the midst of losing her only daughter to her college boyfriend for the night, she was still concerned that Trixie wouldn’t eat breakfast.

As soon as she hung up, several texts bombarded her phone.

From Vi: Barbie, where the fuck are you? You’re late for first period and I’m worried you’ve died  
: I’m serious. I need to copy your biology homework 

From Court: Kats says she didn’t see you this morning. Are you ok? You never miss school.

From Danny <3: I just saw Katya pull up with the bf. She doesn’t look good. What’s going on?  
: Are you alright, babe?  
: Trixie, I’m worried. Call me, please x

Trixie responded quickly to Courtney and Violet, telling them that she would be in soon, followed by telling Violet to fuck off.  
She then returned to Danny’s texts, anxiety rising higher in her chest.

From Barbie-doll: Doesn’t look good how? Her face? Did you see Matt?  
: Danny?  
: I’m coming to school now.

From Danny <3: I don’t know, it was just vibes  
: Plus she’s wearing the same clothes as yesterday  
: And Trixie level face make-up with no dark lips??

From Barbie-doll: Ok.  
: Danny, I’m staying home. I don’t feel good.

Trixie sent one last text to Margarita, informing her that Katya was in school, and that she was fine. The second part seemed like a lie, but she didn’t want to worry her anymore. She received an immediate response, that made her laugh.

From Mara: Thank you for letting me know, my love. That girl will kill me someday. I am going to go to the spa for the day. Stress is not good. Make sure Yekaterina comes home on time today, please. I’ll be home for dinner xxx

Glad she would have their home to herself today, Trixie shook off the guilt of skipping school as she made a cup of camomile tea to relax the nervousness in her stomach. She tried and failed to stop her brain from concocting the worst scenarios that could have happened to Katya last night. Deciding, for the first time in her life, that she needed a game-plan for talking to her best-friend when she returned, she pulled out her laptop and began researching everything from underage drinking, to relationships with age-gaps, to abusive relationships and domestic violence. By the time lunch rolled around, Trixie was terrified, but confident that she could help Katya. 

From Danny <3: Russian hooker asked for you  
: I think she feels bad  
: ew, I think someone put peppers on my pizza

From Barbie-doll: tell her she has to come home today, Mara’s worried  
: also, maybe you could learn to not hate vegetables Danny

From Danny <3: plants are friends not foods, Barbie

From Barbie-doll: you’re an idiot   
: I love you

From Danny: love you babe

 

Katya remained in school until they had finished lunch, when she developed a throbbing headache and decided to take her leave. Switching on her phone for the first time that day, she discovered she had several unopened notifications. She texted her mom quickly, apologising for the lack of contact, letting her know she was fine, and that she had stayed with Violet. It was a blatant lie, but it was easier that explaining what had actually happened.

Opening Instagram as she turned onto her street, she scrolled through her feed until she landed on a picture of Trixie. Katya had taken the photo of her best friend holding her tea at the Idle Hour on Sunday. Something about the soft lighting hitting Trixie’s perfect hair and pearly teeth made her look angelic. 

Pretty, Katya thought. But then again, she had always found Trixie attractive.

She had always been aware of her own bisexuality and had told her best friend and her mother years ago. Trixie, on the other hand, had always been unable to talk about her own sexuality for as long as they had known each other - it was never something her parents had permitted her to even question. She was only more than happy to engage in kisses with her best friend though, once Katya explained, at age twelve, that kissing your friends was normal if you really loved each other.

She lost her train of thought when she reached the front door and opened it softly.

“Katya?” 

“Hi Trixie”

“Katya, we need to talk” Trixie interrupted, staring directly into the other girl’s eyes from where she stood by the couch. She had been mulling it over all day, and Trixie knew, if she didn’t ask now, she would end up letting Katya blow it off for the rest of the night.

She stayed silent. This wasn’t a conversation Katya was ready to have. This wasn’t a conversation she knew how to have.

“I’m so sorry for what I said yesterday, honey, I didn’t mean to. I was just upset, and I had no right and” Trixie began.

“Shh, Trix, it’s ok. Forget it. I’m sorry I ran away” 

Trixie silently opened her arms and Katya immediately allowed herself to be enveloped in a tight hug. No matter how hard she willed them to stop, large, quaking sobs began to wrack Katya’s body.

“Kats, hey, Kats, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t… I can’t… talk about… it” she mumbled between heavy breaths, panic rising in her chest.

“Breath, Katya, please. Come on, copy me,” Trixie coaxed as she felt a panic attack approaching her best-friend, “In, come on honey, breath in, hold it” she rubbed up and down Katya’s back rhythmically, “and out. That’s it, in, hold it…”

They continued this pattern, feeling their breathing rise and fall, both girls almost perfectly in sync with one another, until Katya was breathing normally.

When she finally pulled herself from Trixie’s embrace, she sat back, legs crossed, mimicking the other girl, as they faced each other on the couch. Reaching up to run her hand across her Trixie’s soft cheek, Katya leaned in to kiss her, and this time, the other girl let her. It was a short kiss, but it was full of emotion.

“Thank you” Katya whispered.

“That’s ok” Trixie smiled.

Pausing to build up the courage to say what she felt she needed to, Katya shut her eyes, and breathed in heavily.

“You were right” she admitted, “he hit me.” 

And Katya broke.


	3. Part Three

Katya had never hidden her emotions from her best friend for as long as they could both recall. The same couldn’t be said for Trixie, who’s skills lay more in comforting Katya rather than discussing her own issues. However, watching Katya break down so violently because of another person’s actions caught her completely off guard. 

She allowed her best friend to sob in her arms for a few minutes, as if flood gates had been pushed open by the internal pressure Katya had been holding in for days.

When, with the help of Trixie, she managed to calm herself enough to speak, Katya sat up, tucking her legs under her chin while her best friend waited expectantly.

“When… when we went to the bar, he was in a bad mood. I tried to cheer him up by telling him about Danny hiding Violets dance shoes in their locker for two days, you know?”, she began, looking up at Trixie who smiled briefly at the memory of a red-faced angry Violet.

“But that didn’t work. I was probably being annoying. But then he bought me a drink, so I thought we were ok. It was pink, like you, so I had one. Then he kept buying them, and I kept drinking them. After four I said I didn’t want more. I was tipsy, and I didn’t want to annoy him more by being drunk. He bought me a fifth.” 

Trixie frowned at the thought of an angry Matt forcing drinks down his sixteen-year-old girlfriend’s throat. 

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Katya continued, “I said no, and asked him to dance instead. They were playing a remix that had French words. You know I like French words, but he just got madder and said we should just go. He… he pulled me outside. Through the back. When I tried to stop him pulling me, he… he turned and hit me.”

Trixie clenched her hands into tight fists, her knuckles turning white as she hid them under her legs. After all the reading she had done earlier, she knew she oughtn’t scare Katya by acting angrily.

Behind wet eyelashes, Katya blinked up at her, trying to read Trixie’s blank face.

“So, you’re telling me,” Trixie started, using all her will power to remain calm, “that Matt hit you because you wouldn’t have a fifth drink?”

Katya could hear the tension laced in the other girl’s voice. Panic was rising once more in her chest as she tried to diffuse the situation.

“Trix, it’s not as bad as that sounds. He was having a bad day and he paid for the drink. Plus I was probably being super annoying, you know how I get and..”

“No!” Trixie exclaimed, “stop, Katya. Just stop. You don’t get to make excuses for him”, she could hear herself saying the exact opposite to everything google had told her to  
earlier, “you don’t get to blame yourself for that grade one fucking asshole.”

Katya tentatively bit her lip.

Lowering her voice, Trixie added, “we both know it’s not the first time”

Snapping her head up Katya immediately bit back, “what do you mean by that?”

“Come on, Kats. Don’t tell me he hasn’t made you do other stuff that you didn’t -“

“Trixie, I don’t know what you’re talking about, so please stop. I know he shouldn’t have hit me, but he’s sorry about it. We were both drinking, and he even apologised last night”

Trixie found it difficult to believe what she was hearing. Her smart, bright, beautiful friend was making excuses for her abusive boyfriend.

“Katya, do you love him?” she asked, point blank.

“What?”

“Do you love him?” Trixie repeated. 

“I… I don’t know” Katya answered.

“Then please leave him” Trixie pleaded, reaching over to grip her best friend’s hand.

“He’s not a bad person, Trix” Katya reasoned, feeling tears begin to spill once more.

“Honey, he’s done bad things to you”

“Once, Trixie. One bad thing” she insisted.

“Katya, you don’t need to make excuses for him. Or lie to me because”

“I’ll think about it” Katya bartered, “just let me think. He made one mistake”

Trixie could tell she wasn’t getting anywhere by trying to bring up all the other red flags she had noticed over the last couple of months and decided to let Katya breath for a little bit.

“Ok, honey” Trixie forced a smile, “we can talk again in a day or two.”

Deciding to put Danny’s plan for the day before to good practice, Trixie warmed some of her blueberry muffins and set Contact up in the living room while Katya changed into comfier attire and joined her and the pile of blankets. They slipped easily back into their usual dynamic Trixie telling jokes and Katya reciting lines from the movie, the awkwardness between them lifted, although Katya clung a little bit more to her best friend than usual. 

 

Both girls returned to school hand in hand the following morning to a mixed reception. Courtney, being Courtney wrapped Trixie in a hug, confirming that she was feeling well enough to be back in school, presumably in response to the lack-lustre excuse she had been given the bay before about being sick. Needless to say, Violet was not quite as forgiving, folding her arms as she appeared on the front steps with Danny.

“Mattel, you better have been dying yesterday to miss French class. I didn’t have the homework and I got given a detention. That really doesn’t work well with my aerial rehearsals” Violet huffed.

Katya smiled bemusedly at her best friend who had turned to face the petite, dark-haired girl.

“Well, Chachki, you’re positively peachy this morning, aren’t you? Have you possibly considered actually doing your own French homework?” Trixie smiled sweetly, knowing it would wind the smaller girl up.

“I don’t have time! I have a solo show this Friday that I need to rehearse for. And you know I hate French!” Violet snapped.

“Calm the fuck down, Vi,” Danny intervened, “she’s just kidding. Right, Trix?”

“Of course. My apologies for assuming that you should do your own French homework. I’ll know better for next time”

Beside her Katya let out a loud flailing laugh as Violet turned on her heels and marched angrily back into the building. Trixie, Katya, Courtney and Danny followed suit when the bell rang, agreeing to meet at their usual table for lunch before leaving their separate ways for class.

 

Violet was in a much sunnier mood when she arrived in the cafeteria that afternoon, sliding in to sit beside Courtney, who was engrossed in conversation with Alaska.

“Привет, Vi” Katya greeted, Russian accent in full force.

“Привет, Kats” Violet smiled.

“Violet, you never told me you spoke Russian! Why didn’t you tell me you speak Russian? мы могли бы говорить по-русски все время?” Katya babbled excitedly.

“I don’t, you idiot! I just copied you”

Noticing Katya’s excited demeaner deflate immediately, Trixie kissed her quickly on the cheek, “Cheer up Kats, at least she doesn’t want to burn me at the stake anymore.”

“Do you want some of my pizza, Vi?” Danny asked, gesturing to the pizza mountain before them.

“No thanks. I can’t have any extra pounds for my performance on Friday if I want to stay on the silks” Violet answered.

“Considering you have zero pounds right now, I doubt one will hurt” Trixie offered, causing Violet to give her one of her best bitch faces, before turning back to the others.

“So, are you all still able to come on Friday?

“Yep!” Danny and Trixie answered in unison, grinning widely at each other.

“I can’t come” Courtney answered, turning away from Alaska, “my parents know about my C in chemistry and if I don’t get it up to at least a B, I’m not allowed to go to cheer, so no parties”

“I’ll come if I can bring Sharon” Alaska drawled.

“Considering the fact that you cannot breathe without being in the same building, the goth can come too” she answered, turning to Katya, “you too Kats? You can bring Matt if you like?” 

Tensing slightly, Katya delivered a somewhat mechanical answer that Matt was sick, but she would be there. Violet smiled and slid daintily from her seat when she saw Pearl, who was clearly stoned, walk lethargically into the room.

“I love that she will always, without fail leave us when her stoner girlfriend shows up” Danny grumbled.

“She may be a stoner, but she is hot” Alaska said matter-of-factly just as her leather jacket clad girlfriend appeared behind her.

“That so, babe?” Sharon asked casually from where she stood.

“I… I didn’t really mean… no… I just meant that she and Violet would make a cute couple and…”  
Sharon chuckled as she sat down beside her girlfriend bringing a hand up to rest on her thigh, “relax, Lasky. I guess I’m just going to have to give you something better to look at later”

Alaska blushed fiercely as Katya burst out laughing from across the table, clutching to Trixie’s arm.

“So, you can all come to mine on Friday before Violet’s show if you want. My mom doesn’t mind so bring whatever drinks or weed you want” Danny said, just as the bell rang.

“We’ll be there” Trixie said before walking away arm in arm with Katya, who had apparently moved on from their previous conversation and was babbling something about Russian communism to her best friend as they made their way to class.

 

By the time they reached the club on Friday night, Danny and Sharon were both high, accompanied by a relatively tipsy Alaska and Trixie. Katya was her usual self, hyper and talking ninety miles and hour to anyone that would listen to her. And sometimes even when there was no-one to listen. Getting into the club was easy, given that Danny knew almost every staff member in the building, so minimal questions were asked about their questionable ID’s. Trixie rarely allowed herself to have a drink, so naturally the vodka rushed straight to her system, her pink cheeks matching the pale pink salopette dress she was wearing. Katya’s red dress clashed perfectly with her best friend’s outfit, yet she managed to match Danny’s dark denim and red lipstick quite nicely.

Sharon and Alaska assigned themselves to a booth by the side of the bar almost immediately, while Danny took to the dance floor and wrapped themselves around the nearest tall man. Trixie and Katya danced alongside Danny for a while, until Trixie giggled that she was “really dizzy like a windmill”, at which Katya had laughed, before pulling her over to sit with Sharon and Alaska. 

As soon as Violet stepped out on to the performance platform, she commanded the audience. The music slowed to accommodate her movements as she spun delicately around the silks, the glitter on her purple satin lingerie catching the flashing stage lights. She was beautiful and captivating, and as much as Trixie would make fun of her for being a bitch, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking how skilled Violet actually was. She moved gracefully through the air, limbs twisting and pulling into intricate positions, at one point spinning quickly whilst hanging upside down.

When she descended from the silks, Violet was met with cheers and applause before she disappeared backstage and the loud music returned. Trixie had decided she was feeling much better and pulled Katya back up to dance with her. It was either dancing, or watching Sharon practically finger Alaska as she sat in her lap, messily kissing every now and then. 

 

“What did you think?” Violet yelled over the music as she re-appeared beside Danny.

“Vi! You were stunning! Like absolutely fabulous honey! So amazing!” Danny grinned, pulling her into a hug.

“You really think so?” 

“I promise!” Danny shouted back.

“Thanks Danny, I was really nervous at first but then-“ 

Violet cut herself off, spotting Pearl leaning against the bar across the room, “hang on, Dan, I gotta go” she yelled, before running over to the blonde girl.

“Whatever” Danny mumbled to themselves, before making eye-contact with a much older looking man across the dancefloor. It was a cycle Danny wasn’t sure if they enjoyed or felt it was merely a habit at this point but meeting older men who call them beautiful and buy them drinks was their usual hobby. This man was particularly handsome, and Danny felt they needed a distraction, smirking slightly as he began to move towards them.

“Trix?” Katya called to Trixie, who seemed to be in her own happy world as they danced happily in the middle of the floor.

“Yeah Kats?” 

“I’m just going to grab some water. Stay here” 

Trixie grinned in response and continued to sway her hips off-beat with the thumping music.

By the bar, Katya waited patiently to order herself a glass of water, and one for Trixie as well. She knew her best friend would be thankful for it the following morning. She felt a figure come to stand behind her.

“Hey, sexy” he breathed down her neck, “you’re a pretty little thing, aren’t you?”

Katya froze.

“Can I get you a drink, baby?” he asked, mouth desperately close to her ear.

Katya didn’t move.

“I haven’t seen you here before, sexy. Do you have a name?”

Katya remained silent.

“No words, hmm? I get it. I know what girls like you want” he growled lowly, reaching his hand around Katya’s waist and down her stomach. He slowly moved down her thigh,  
making a move to pull her short dress further up her legs.

Katya couldn’t breathe.

“What do you say we take this to the bathroom, baby” he said, inching closer so that he was pressed against her back.

Katya snapped. 

Dodging his arms, she spun quickly, pulling her wrist from his grip and running to the bathroom, pushing through the swarming crowd. Shoving the stall door open it banged loudly against the door behind her. Katya couldn’t breathe. Her head was light and her insides were heavy and she felt she might vomit at any moment. She felt hands, and smelt alcohol and heard growls and tasted blood in her mouth from when – no. She wouldn’t let herself go there. This wasn’t that. She tried to steady her breathing, but without Trixie, that was easier said than done. 

“Katya?”

“T… Trix?”

“Yeah, honey. I’m here. What’s wrong?” Trixie asked.

Instead of attempting to answer, Katya pulled the door open slowly, allowing her best friend in. Her breathing was laboured, but Trixie stepped immediately into action, sobriety  
hitting her quickly after seeing Katya so distressed.

“Can I touch you?” Trixie asked softly.

Katya shook her head quickly.

“Ok. No touching. Got it.” Trixie acknowledged, “just listened to me. Copy my breathing.”

Katya listened, following the rise and fall of the other girls’ chest.

“That’s it, honey. Keep going” Trixie coaxed, as Katya regained control of her breathing and started to feel a little less ill.

 

Outside the bathroom in the bar, Violet had brought Pearl over to sit with Sharon, who had a fairly drunk Alaska curled into her lap.

“I think Katya had too much to drink,” Pearl said, “I just saw her make a bee line for the bathroom”

“She must have had loads because she can usually handle her alcohol” Violet added, leaning against Pearls shoulder.

“She didn’t drink” Sharon said, while Alaska kissed up and down her neck.

“What?” 

“I’ve been with her most of the night. She didn’t drink. Trixie did, not Katya” Sharon repeated, running her hands through her girlfriend’s hair. 

“Weird” Pearly mused.

Violet felt her phone buzzing in her lap. 

From Trix : Kats and I are in an uber home. K not feeling good. Well done tonight, bitch x


	4. Part Four

It had been a week since Violet’s show, a week since Katya had attended school, a week since she had left the house and a week since she had spoken to Matt. Both Trixie and Katya were in their room, and unbeknownst to each other, were feeling the exact same thing. Anxious.

“Alexithymia”

“What?”

“Alexithymia. The inability to describe ones emotions verbally” Katya read from her phone.

“Ok?” Trixie replied quizzically.

“I think that’s how I feel.”

Trixie turned away from her desk to face Katya. Since explaining what had happened at the bar, Katya hadn’t told Trixie anything she was feeling, despite her best friends efforts to get her to open up. It confused her that Katya was unable to describe something using language. Usually, she never shut up, but she also spoke exceptionally eloquently when required.

“Well if you can’t describe how you feel verbally, show me” Trixie said, hoping it would open up some form of communication between the two of them. There was more to what was making her best friend so unhappy than met the eye, and she had been unsuccessful in understanding what had caused her to feel so miserable.

Katya paused for a moment before climbing out of her bed and standing in the middle of the room before she sprang up into a handstand without hesitation.

“This is how I think my world is” she said before quickly collapsing her handstand into a curled up version of a child’s pose, “and this is how I feel.”

“An upside down world and you feel vulnerable?” Trixie interpreted.

“You always were the smart one Trix” Katya smiled half-heartedly, climbing back into the nest of blankets on her bed.

“Well we knew that” Trixie smiled, “but how do I help?”

“I don’t know”

“Try”

“I want to feel happy. I don’t want to feel vulnerable, or gross or trapped.” Katya answered simply.

“You need to break up with Matt” Trixie said bluntly after a moment, “he’s not good for you. He hit you.” She expected an immediate backlash for what she has said, and when it didn’t come, Trixie joined her best friend in their bed. 

Katya sat with her back against the wall, hugging her knees into her chest, “I know.”

“Is there a way you think you can do that without getting hurt?” Trixie asked quietly, “a way of breaking up with him that won’t make him angry or threatened? Because believe me Kats, as much as I want to see him pay for what he did to you, my number one priority is that you get out of that relationship as quickly as possible.”

Katya remained silent. She needed to talk to Trixie. She needed to tell someone the whole story. She couldn’t live with it eating her alive from the inside any more, but her brain wouldn’t cooperate with her mouth. Forcing herself to speak, she felt as though she had dissociated from her body.

“He makes me do things I don’t want to”, she whispered, “I don’t always want to have sex with him. I don’t always want to drink. I don’t even like weed.” 

She wasn’t registering what she was saying, what she was finally admitting to herself and to Trixie. Verbalising how she felt, what he had done to her, made it all too real. The only thing grounding her to the body that she felt she no longer owned, was the feeling of Trixie’s hands in her own.

“Right now, Kats, are you physically hurt anywhere?”

Katya said nothing, but gently nodded her head.

“I need you to know that I will never, ever judge you Katya. You know that don’t you?”

Katya nodded once more.

“Ok. Can you tell me where?” Trixie asked tentatively, trying to remain as calm and reassuring as she possibly could in the moment.

Lifting the side of her shirt slightly, Katya revealed three small, round bruises on each hip, refusing to look down herself.

Biting her lip, Trixie continued tentatively, “what about… internally. You know..” she hesitated, desperately trying to say the right thing.

“It… it’s not sore anymore” Katya mumbled, tucking her head back in between her knees.

Without knowing what else to say without sobbing loudly, Trixie pulled her best friend gently into her arms. Silently, both girls allowed heavy tears to fall. Katya surprised herself, feeling a small sense of relief, something she hadn’t felt for the longest time. The same couldn’t be said for Trixie, who felt as though her heart had broken into several, jagged pieces. 

 

 

Katya took the following week before Christmas off school, much to Trixie’s disappointment. Something about her best friend sitting home alone with her thoughts didn’t sit well with Trixie, which had kept her on edge all week. Add that to the impending anxiety of her parents coming to visit over the break and the daily questions from teachers and their friends about Katya’s wellbeing, and Trixie was well and truly stressed. By the time Friday afternoon came around, she was grateful for the opportunity to go home and crawl into bed with her best friend.

Dropping her bag as soon as she got in the front door, Trixie went straight to the kitchen, making a large, hot cup of tea to combat the cold winter air that had left her shivering. 

She heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and she turned to be greeted not by Katya but by Margarita. 

“Привет, my angel” she smiled, kissing Trixie’s cheek.

“Hi Mara” Trixie grinned back, “Is Katya in bed?”

“No, my love. She’s gone out.”

“Gone out?” Trixie questioned, “where? With who?”

“Goodness only knows with that girl. I think she said something about meeting Violet” Margarita said as she gathered her keys from the counter and put them in her bag, “I’m sure she’ll be back soon”

Trixie had seen Violet that morning, and she knew for a fact that she had aerial training all afternoon. Immediate worry set in as a string of worse case scenarios began to run through her mind. 

“By the way, my love, your mother called this morning to let me know that they will be arriving this Sunday rather than on Christmas Eve” Margarita added casually, pulling Trixie from her thoughts.

“She said what?!” 

“She’s not coming on Tuesday, she’s coming Sunday, дорогой. I’m sorry to run now, but I am late to a meeting. I’ll see you this evening.” Margarita smiled before she seemed to whisk herself out the door.

Sliding to the ground and tucking her legs in to her chest, Trixie gave her best attempt in calming herself down. She followed a numerical breathing pattern before making a mental list of everything that had to be done. She could hear her fathers voice in her head reminding her that An adequate amount of stress is healthy, Beatrice, it reminds us that we are pushing ourselves to work harder. Trixie didn’t feel very healthy.

After ringing Katya’s phone approximately nine times, she gave up attempting to find her. Her best friend had taken her car and she had no other way of tracking her. Turning to her other tasks, Trixie began to make her way through the long mental list of everything she had to get done before her parents arrived on Sunday afternoon. Like a whirlwind moving through the house, she cleaned the bedroom where her parents were to stay from top to bottom, making the bed to her mother’s exact standards. She wrote lists of all the ingredients she needed to buy to cook the Christmas meal, lists of which foods could be prepared beforehand and lists of which recipes she needed. By the time Katya reappeared, Trixie was hunched over her desk working through the mountain of assignments she had for the break.

“Hi Trix. What are you working so furiously on this fine evening?” Katya greeted, a smile painted on her face.

Trixie turned to face her, narrowing her eyes slightly.

“Hi Trix? Hi Trix. Really? That’s how you want to start this conversation? You’ve been missing all afternoon, no text, no call. Jesus Katya, do you know how anxious I was?” 

Katya was completely taken back by her reaction. Before she could answer, Trixie began again.

“You could have hurt yourself Katya, you could have been hurt. I don’t get it. Why did you feel like it was ok to disappear? You could have been with him! Where the fuck were you?”

“I just went for a drive. I needed to clear my head” Katya answered simply. Trixie dropped her own head into her hands, rubbing her temples roughly.

“Trix, are you ok? What’s going on?”

“Look, I’m sorry I shouted. I’m just tired that’s all” Trixie lied, returning to her essay.

“Bullshit” Katya mumbled, kicking off her shoes by the door and walking over to rest her hands on her best friend’s shoulders, glancing at her work, “you know the work for the Christmas break is due in two and a half weeks?”

Trixie didn’t answer. All she could feel was waves of tears rising in her throat. She was exhausted. All she could do was replay her parents words over and over in her head, “Beatrice, your father and I are allowing you to stay with the Zamolodchikova’s for the sole purpose of you bettering your education. Do not let us down”. Dropping her pen on the paper she turned to face Katya, before looking away, a sheet of long blonde hair falling in front of her face.

“My parents are coming in 48 hours” she whispered, sobs beginning to wrack her body, “and I’m just so.. so tired.”

Katya knew how Trixie felt about her parents. She loved them, sure, but she didn’t like them. She feared them. They had always had a level of control over her life that didn’t sit well with Katya, especially when their impending visit had such an effect on Trixie’s happiness. She wasn’t fooling herself either. Katya knew that she was adding an unnecessary level of stress to her best friend’s life, precisely why she hadn’t told her where she had been all afternoon.

“Trixie, Trix listen to me” Katya said softly, lifting the other girls face in her hands to meet her gaze, “you’re exhausted. We can talk this through tomorrow, but you need to relax. And sleep.”

Trixie sniffed and tried to regain control of her breathing, nodding. 

“Why don’t you go shower? I’ll even do your hair for you after.”

“Are you trying to tell me I smell?” Trixie asked.

“You said it, not me” Katya smiled.

Trixie swatted an arm at her shoulder.

“Kidding!” Katya gasped, “go shower. I’ll make tea”

Before she let Katya go, Trixie pouted and leaned in towards her best friend, who gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

“It’s not weird that we still do this?” Trixie asked quietly.

“Not at all” Katya smiled, before turning and leaving the room for Trixie to change.

Twenty minutes later, they were back on their bed, empty mugs on the bedside locker, Trixie half asleep as Katya worked a brush through her long, damp hair. It was a rare treat for Trixie when Katya had the patience to sit and dry her hair for her. They sat in silence, aside from Katya’s Soft Lesbians playlist playing in the background until she began to dry Trixie’s locks into a soft, smooth wave down her back. 

“I like this song” Trixie hummed once the hairdryer had been switched off. 

“Dusty Springfield?” 

“Mmm” 

Katya grabbed her phone and turned the music up, standing up from the bed a pulling Trixie with her. Wrapping her arms around her best friend, she began to sway her hips in a slightly off-beat fashion.

 

Didn't I make you feel  
Like you were the only man?  
Didn't I give you everything  
A woman possibly can?

 

They moved slowly around in a circle, Trixie leaning her head on Katya’s shoulder as she hummed along quietly to the words. Just as the chorus hit, without warning Katya spun her best friend around quickly, causing her to almost lose her balance.

 

So come on, come on, come on, come on

(Take it)  
Take another little piece of my heart, now baby  
(Break it)  
Break another little bit of my heart, now honey  
(Have a)  
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby  
You know you've got it if it makes you feel good

 

Laughing loudly, Trixie started singing along loudly to the words as Katya joined in, shouting more than singing. Both of them continued swaying their hips as they twirled around the room, feeling the sort of collective effervescence that a church choir would feel as they came to the climax of a particularly spectacular and upbeat song.

 

I tell myself that I can't stand the pain  
But when you hold me in your arms I say it again

 

Smiling at each other they relinked their hands as they smiled, spinning until they collapsed back onto the bed. “I really like that song” Trixie grinned at her best friend, who mirrored her grin with an even wider one.

“That’s the magic of Dusty Springfield, the original gay icon” Katya stated.

“She was singing about a man” Trixie smirked.

“A cunning disguise” Katya said, “she was really singing about yours truly”

Rolling her eyes and yawning, Trixie grabbed a heavy blanket from the foot of the bed, draping it over herself as well as her best friends as she felt her eyes dropping slightly.

“Hey Trix?” Katya whispered, as she lay her own head down beside her best friend “we’ll sort everything out tomorrow.” 

“Ok” Trixie whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Apologies for taking such a long (and unannounced) break! I'm back again and I'll do my very best to upload more regularly now. I hope you enjoy this next chapter!
> 
> \- Lost Imp


	5. Part Five

Sunday morning began much the same for Trixie as Friday evening had been, stressed. She and Katya spent the whole morning making what ought to be Trixie’s bedroom look more lived-in, leaving various items of clothing and books around. Both girls knew that the Mattels would be less than impressed if they knew Trixie had been sharing a bed with another girl. Katya doubted they would even bother to come upstairs, but her best friend was determined to cover all their ground so that nothing under her control could go wrong. As Trixie herself had reminded Katya that morning,

“Impropriety is less than attractive, Yekaterina”

To which Katya responded, “I must be the height of ugliness in your parent's eyes, then.” 

Trixie had also completed all the food preparation and cleaning that she deemed necessary on Saturday, to keep her morning anxiety to as much of a minimum as possible. Baking had calmed her down to an extent, a moment of relaxation that she welcomed graciously. 

“What the hell are you wearing?” Katya asked, walking into their bedroom, eyebrows raised.

“My good – Catholic – girl costume” Trixie frowned, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

She had foregone her usually Barbie-like clothing for a white high-necked shirt and pale pink jeans and her not-so voluminous hair was tied into a ponytail. Trixie had almost forgotten what it was like to dress unlike herself, having had the freedom of clothing choice for the past year, and she did not like it.

Pouting at herself, she sighed, “I miss my makeup”.

“Do you mean your ridiculously overdone face paint that only a tramp would wear, Beatrice?” Katya asked, mimicking Mrs. Mattel’s voice.

“That’s the one”, Trixie answered, adding a small amount of mascara to her eyelashes and a soft pink lip-gloss to her lips.

Coming to wrap her arms around the taller girl’s waist, Katya kissed her best friend on the cheek, “I still think you look ravishing”

“Ravishingly boring and virginal” Trixie retorted.

“Let’s not go too far out of left field with virginal, Trix, we all know about your whorish tendencies” Katya grinned.

“Fuck off” Trixie laughed, “fuck all the way off. You know they’re not going to like your outfit either?”

Katya twirled around, her long black dress with faux-cobwebs on it spinning slightly about her Doc boots, lips painted their lovely dark purple, “sadly for them, the demonic look stays. Satan celebrates the holidays too, you hedonist.”

“I swear to God Katya, if you say shit like that over the next few days, I’ll suffocate you in your sleep”

“With your womanly thighs?” Katya said with a shit-eating grin plastered on her face.

“Katya!” Trixie yelled, “shut up”, before returning to glaring at her appearance.

“Don’t torture yourself, Barbie” Katya said, pulling her away from the mirror, “let’s go get your sickeningly sweet hot-chocolate before the deathly hour is upon us”, the deathly hour being two in the afternoon when the Mattel’s were due to arrive.

“I can’t, I still have to –“

“You still have to nothing, Trix, you’ve done everything” Katya interrupted, “and it’s Sunday. Church day”, church day, in their world, being a traditional trip to their favourite café.

“Fine” Trixie conceded, “but we’re coming home by one.”

 

Surely enough, they arrived back home exactly an hour before Trixie’s parents were expected, only for Trixie to sit and bite her nails for another hour, mentally playing through every single situation that could go wrong over the next few days. Katya meanwhile, was checking messages on her phone every five minutes, glancing up every now and then to see if the other girl had noticed the bombardment of texts. The only interruption was Margarita arriving home shortly before two, arms full of flowers to place around the home. Margarita knew Trixie almost as well as she knew her own daughter, and she felt an immediate pang of sadness when she saw a less effervescent looking version of the girl sitting, worrying on the couch.

Almost like clockwork, the doorbell rang at two o’clock, causing Trixie to jump out of her skin and bolt to the door. She was greeted with a swift, stiff hug from her father, and a warmer, longer embrace from her mother.

“Beatrice, how are you?” her mother asked.

“I’m great mom, thank you” Trixie answered, smiling slightly.

“That’s nice to hear” her father added nonchalantly.

Taking their suitcases, Trixie led them through to the kitchen.

“Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Mattel” Katya smiled, extending a hand for them to shake, “it’s lovely to see you.”

“It’s lovely to see you too, Katya” Mrs. Mattel smiled. Mr. Mattel simply nodded in response. Katya was on her best behavior under strict instructions from her best friend.

Margarita stepped in and burst into conversation with Trixie’s parents, allowing the girls to bring their luggage into the spare room. Katya could feel her best friends anxiety radiating from her like a bad sunburn and stepped in, kissing her softly on the lips.

“Calm down, Trix, you’ll be ok. If they start to lecture you I’ll step in and tell them about the threesome Danny had last weekend” Katya teased. 

Trixie’s eyes narrowed warningly even though she was immensely grateful to Katya, “mention a single body part over the next few days and I kill you” she glared before leaving the room to go out to the kitchen where Margarita had already made tea and had the Mattel’s sitting at the table.

“Trixie baked these yesterday, they are delicious” Margarita complemented as she placed a plate of blueberry muffins on the table.

“Thank you Mara” Trixie smiled.

“So Beatrice, tell us, how is school going?” her father asked once they were all seated.

“It’s going well. I’ve gotten a lot of my assignments for the break completed already” Trixie answered.

“She’s being modest” Katya interjected, “she’s top of the class in almost every subject. She knows more about Russian history than I do.”

“You say most classes? Is there any subjects you need a tutor for?” Trixie’s mother asked, “you know we wouldn’t mind making investments like that for your education.”

“That’s ok, I don’t think I need a tutor really.”

“If you’re sure. We can always discuss it later” her father added. 

The conversation continued much the same way, more questions about school, grades, time management. Trixie relaxed a little bit, feeling Katya’s hand on her knee every now and then as she helped her field questions. Her mother had shown some interest in her music and her father had even complimented her baking so she felt more at ease with the situation. 

By the time her parents headed to bed that evening, Trixie was exhausted. Grateful the spare bedroom was downstairs, she crawled into bed that night with Katya and was asleep within what seemed like minutes. The same couldn’t be said for Katya who sat up on her phone for hours answering more text messages, her tired eyes glued to the small screen, willing the notifications to stop. She felt trapped, like she had nowhere to turn. She couldn’t wake Trixie up to talk but she needed a distraction to keep her from doing something stupid. 

On an impulse, she decided to call Danny, figuring that they would most definitely be awake at one in the morning. As predicted, Danny answered on the second ring.

“Hey Kats, how is my favourite Russian hooker? Feeling any better? We missed you in school these past few weeks” Danny rambled. Hearing her friends voice instantly had a positive effect on Katya, she felt like she could breathe again. 

“Hi Danny” 

“You ok babe? You sound off”

“Trixie’s parents are here” she explained.

“Ok?” Danny said quizzically.

“You know how she gets when her parents are in the same state as her.”

“Is she ok?”

“Yeah, she is. But I needed to talk to someone, and I can’t tell Barbie. She’s exhausted.”

“Are you ok?” Danny asked, beginning to understand the situation. This was unlike Katya, she never really ‘called to talk’.

“Not exactly” Katya admitted.

“What’s happened, Kats? You can tell me”

“I can’t tell you. I just need you to distract me. Please” Katya asked, her voice cracking slightly.

“Katya, are you safe right now? Where are you?” Danny asked, concerned.

“Yeah, I’m safe. I’m in bed.” 

“What can I do? Do you want me to come over? I can be there in 20 minutes.” 

“No, that’s ok. Can you just.. this is going to sound weird..” Katya began

“Katya? Weird? Never.” Danny joked.

“I’ll have you know I’m the epitome of normal” Katya smiled slightly.

“Forget about weird, what can I do?” Danny continued.

“Do you think that maybe you could sing? It’s just... Trixie normally does that when I ask and I know you sing too but if it’s too odd..” she trailed off quietly. She felt too vulnerable in the whole situation, but her need for distraction and comfort was greater than her embarrassment around Danny.

Feeling rather taken aback, Danny agreed to the simple request. Katya closed her eyes and listened, her breathing pattern in time with the soft rhythm.

“Thank you, Dan” she sighed after a few minutes.

“No problem. Just promise me you’re going to be safe Katya?” 

“I’ll be ok” 

“And you’ll talk to Trixie soon? You know that it would kill her if she thought that you thought you couldn’t talk to her, even when she’s stressed.”

“I know, I’ll tell her soon, I promise” Katya agreed.

“And if you need me, call me” Danny added.

“Thank you so much” Katya yawned.

“Anytime babe. Despite your Russian heritage, I still love you.”

Smiling, Katya hung up, ignoring the new, incoherent messages, she switched off her phone and fell into an unsettled yet welcome sleep.

 

Christmas came and went quickly and was far less painful than both girls thought it would be. Trixie’s cooking was delicious, despite Katya attempting to sabotage every dish with a questionable mix of so-called ‘magical Russian spices’. Trixie’s parents managed to relax enough for Trixie to do the same. They exchanged presents and cards once the Mattel’s had returned from church which were all well-received. Katya was particularly fond of the eyeball jewelry Trixie gave her, even though it was met by raised eyebrows from her parents. By the time the time the Mattels were due to leave, Trixie would have called the entire trip a success, no one had yelled, or cried. Her parents hadn’t even suggested she come back to live with them, which they often did. That was until the very evening before her parents were due to fly back to their home.

 

After everyone had gone to bed, Trixie’s mother came out to the kitchen to get a glass of water when she saw her daughters phone. Recognizing an opportunity to have a conversation with her daughter before she left the following morning, she decided to drop it up to her. Knocking quietly on Trixie’s door, she pushed it open slightly, only to find an empty, made bed. Listening for a moment she heard conversation coming from the bedroom next door.

Katya was sitting in bed with Trixie’s head in her lap, both of them laughing as Katya read out messages from their group chat.

“Courtney asked if anyone had done the French homework so obviously Violet snapped at her,” Katya said.

“Obviously” Trixie noted.

“Danny just said ‘stop texting, I’m trying to fuck’, and Sharon said ‘us too. Take your fucking French somewhere else’” Katya read.

“So let me guess, Violet’s ranting?” Trixie asked.

“Smart girl. It’s all ‘you’re whores this’ and ‘stop fucking sexting the group chats that’” Katya confirmed, laughing.

“Remind me again why I have other friends?” Trixie asked.

“To make sure you know that not everyone can reach your level of perfection” 

“Of course. It’s humbling”

Locking her phone and leaving it to the side, Katya began running her fingers through her best friends hair.

“You get to go back to looking like manic Barbie tomorrow, Trix”

“I know, I can’t wait” Trixie smiled, “I was thinking of dying my hair pink for a little bit. What do you think?”

“Bubble-gum pink manic Barbie? Yes please.”

“Shut up! Really though, pink? Yes or no?”

“I think you will look even more beautiful if that’s possible” Katya said nonchalantly.

Blushing, Trixie smiled up at her best friend, “I like when you play with my hair. Makes me sleepy”

“It’s all a ploy to keep you in bed with me” Katya grinned.

“As if I ever sleep anywhere else”

 

Trixie’s mother had heard enough, and she opened the door barging straight into the room.

“Mom, what are you doing?” Trixie asked, her voice about three octaves higher than usual.

“I came up to your room to give you your phone, Beatrice” her mother answered, “only to find you in someone else’s bed, discussing things that would have your fathers ears burning. How many lies have you told us in the last week, Beatrice? How many?”

Hot tears were streaming down Trixie’s face as she tried to control her breathing after her body had shifted into immediate panic.

“I don’t even know what you have become. You disgust me. You are coming with us tomorrow and that is final -” her mother said, 

“Mom, no, please!” Trixie pleaded.

“ - and I expect you to be ready to go by 9 am,” she said angrily, turning on her heels and returning to the downstairs bedroom.

Katya looking on in shock at the scene that had unfolded in front of her while Trixie sat down beside the bed, shaking both from fear and the sobs wracking her body, soon to be joined by her best friend. Hearing the commotion, Margarita came running down the hall from her bedroom.

“моя любовь, what’s wrong?” she gasped, dropping to her knees beside Katya who was clutching for dear life to Trixie’s hand.

“Don’t… kick me… out… please!” Trixie sobbed, clutching tightly with her other hand to Margarita’s sleeve, “don’t… make me go. I’m… I’m so sorry.”

“Trixie, мой ангел, I will never kick you out. You’re safe here” Margarita promised, before turning to Katya, “what happened ?”

“Her mom heard us talking” Katya whispered.

“About what? Why is she so upset?” she asked as Trixie dropped her head into her best friends lap.

“It wasn’t anything bad, mom. It was just a normal conversation, about us, our friends. It’s just because they don’t know our world, they don’t know Trixie!” Katya could feel herself getting angrier. “They’re going to make her leave because she finally got out of their warped eighteenth-century world and found a more colourful one, with actual love and happiness. And they’re going to take her away from us!” she yelled.

“Katya, calm down,” her mother said sternly, “Trixie, кукла, I need you to calm down too. We can sort this out.”

Trixie removed her head from where it was buried in her best friends side. She didn’t remember a time in her life when she had been this hysterical. But then again, her life had never fallen apart in a split second.

“Trix, you gotta breathe,” Katya said softly, rhythmically stroking her back, “you gotta breathe.” 

“Katya?” Trixie whispered after a while of regulating her breathing.

“Yeah, Trix?”

“She knows what I am. She knows” Trixie whispered again.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Trix” Katya answered, looking at her mother to get some indication as to whether she understood what her best friend was talking about.

“She knows what I am. I disgust her.” Trixie whispered once more, looking delirious with tiredness.

“Please Trix, tell me what you’re talking about” Katya pleaded.

“She knows I like to kiss you. And she’s going to take me away.”


	6. Part Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loss and death, and a small amount of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning that death and self-loathing are heavily discussed in this chapter, just be careful.

Trixie stood suddenly and walked next door to her room, Katya rising quickly to follow her until she was stopped by her mother.

“Give her a little bit of space, my love, she needs to process,” Margarita said softly, “we will sort this, do not worry. I won’t stand and watch her get hurt.”

Slightly assured by her mother, Katya sat back down on her bed, knees tucked into her chest as she allowed herself to make some sense of the emotional breakdown that had just occurred.

In the adjoining room, Trixie pulled a suitcase from her wardrobe and began filling it with mismatched items of clothing and belongings that she pulled from her wardrobe and shelves. A fierce pink blush had spread across her face from the mix of panic and shame she felt, marked with damp tear stains. As she packed, she replayed her mother's words over and over in her head, “I don’t even know what you have become. You disgust me,” and all she could think of in response was, “it’s ok, I disgust myself too”.

Beating herself up over and over again, she let it sink in that she had just admitted to the two people she loved most in the world that she liked kissing girls – a girl – and what that meant. Her parents had a right to be ashamed, Trixie thought, God knows she had never hated herself as much as she did now. And there was no point in fighting it, the only thing for her was to go live with her parents and pray that this all becomes a distant memory.

Hours later, Katya tiptoed out of her room in search of Trixie, who she found fast asleep on top of her still pristine duvet, a small suitcase half-filled at the foot of her bed. Katya had questions, lots of them, but decided that two in the morning was not the time for a heavily loaded conversation on identity and sexuality. After contemplating sliding into bed beside her best friend, she crept back out to her own room. Things were bad enough, without Mrs Mattel finding them in bed together a second time that night.

Trixie hadn’t ever experienced the Zamolodchikovas home as silent as she did the next morning. Without making much noise, she dragged herself from her bed, pulling on a t-shirt and jeans, zipping her suitcase and moving downstairs. She felt certain in her decision to leave that morning, but she wanted one last meal in the bright kitchen, preferably alone. She couldn’t bear to face Katya or her mother, knowing she would be breaking their hearts in the process of leaving behind everything that made her happy. _As if I deserve happiness_ she thought, _disgusting people don’t get happiness._ She put two pieces of bread in the toaster and poured orange juice into her pink mug, tears pricking her eyes when she saw Katya’s purple one. _No more morning times here_ Trixie said to herself, _no more pink and purple mugs_.

The Mattels arrived in the kitchen soon after Trixie did, announced to her coldly that seeing as they were all up, there was not much point in delaying their departure.

“We will thank Margarita for her hospitality and then we are going to take a cab to the airport,” her mother said, “and Beatrice – “

Trixie met her eyes for the first time that morning,

“don’t even think for a second that there won’t be a long conversation about your deviant behaviour.”

Trixie lowered her gaze back to her own feet. If she was being honest with herself at that moment, the thought of saying goodbye to Katya and Margarita scared her more than the inevitable conversation with her parents.

Margarita seemed to materialise instantly when she heard the movement of suitcases on the wooden floors from her bedroom, not expecting to see Trixie standing meekly by the door with her own pink luggage.

“Margarita, there you are. We wanted to thank you for your hospitality before we left. We appreciate you having us to stay over the holidays, but we will be taking Beatrice back home with us now” Mrs Mattel informed her.

“I.. I understand but can we sit and talk for a moment? You don’t want to make hasty decisions because of anger and Trixie –“

“We will be going now, thank you” Mrs Mattel cut her off.

“No, you won’t” Katya objected loudly from where she had suddenly appeared on the stairs. Trixie didn’t dare to look up at her, “she doesn’t have to go anywhere. She’s sixteen years old and can speak for herself.”

“This is not your place, Katya, this is a family matter. Beatrice is our daughter and we make the decisions.” Mr Mattel answered angrily.

“Trixie, Trix, you don’t have to do this. We’re your family, don’t let them bully you” Katya said, staring directly at her best friend.

“Katya, you – “ Margarita began.

“I have to go” Trixie interrupted quietly.

“What?” Katya asked, shocked.

“I’m so sorry, I have to go” Trixie repeated, grabbing her bag and walking out the door without looking at her best friend, as she was followed closely by her parents.

Glancing at her mother angrily before running out the door, Katya grabbed Trixie’s wrist, pulling her around to face her, “you don’t have to do this. You are safe here, I love you.”

“I know,” Trixie said, tears rolling down her cheeks, “but I don’t deserve that”

Frustrated tears pricked Katya’s eyes listening to Trixie talk. One week and this is what her parents had reduced her to.

“Trix, this isn’t you talking. This is your parents. Come on, please, come back inside” Katya pleaded.

“Beatrice, get in the car” her father called.

“Don’t go Trixie” Katya begged, refusing to let go of the other girl's wrist.

Pulling her hand away swiftly, Trixie let out a sob, “I need to. I’m so sorry.”

Turning on her heel the taller girl climbed quickly into the car beside her mother as it pulled out of the driveway and down the street, she hung her head low. Saying a silent prayer to a God she didn’t believe in, she prayed she’d make it back home again.

 

 

Not a single person talked to Trixie the entire drive to the airport, at bag check-in and going through security, neither her parents nor the airport staff seemed to need or in fact want to interact with her, which remained the same until they reached the gate. In need of some sort of comfort, Trixie grabbed her phone and earphones from her backpack as the flight was boarding, only to realise that the phone didn’t have a pink case. It was a dark purple and a lock screen picture of Olga Korbut, and belonged to Katya.

“Beatrice, give me your phone” her mother ordered, hand outstretched, speaking to her for the first time in a few hours.

“It.. it isn’t mine. I took Katya’s by mistake.” Trixie mumbled.

“Fine, keep it, and you can post it back when we land.”

Without even unlocking the phone, Trixie could see that there were 7 missed calls and 11 unopened text messages from her own phone. She didn’t dare to look at them, moving to switch it off while on the flight, just as another message came in.

 

From M: u fuckin whore dont think I dont know where u live. u need me and leaving was a huge mistake

 

Trixie felt her heart sink to her stomach, she knew it. All along she had almost certainly known that Katya had broken up with Matt before Christmas but she hadn’t said a thing, too wrapped up in her own head to help the person that she should have been caring for the most. Now Katya was dealing with her abusive ex alone, no-one to confide in, feeling unsafe in her own home. Trixie piled another heaping of hatred on top of herself as the final few passengers boarded the flight. She switched off the phone, not listening to the monotonous safety information being rattled off beside her, taking one last look out the window before shutting her eyes and willing herself into an uneasy sleep.

 

 

 

Twenty-three days since Trixie had seen Katya, twenty-three days living on-base in Fort Hood, fourteen days in a new school, four meetings with the pastor, three days of Sunday school, forty-six hours of studying and one horrible conversation with her parents ending in one horrific agreement. No phone, no guitar, two hours of study each day, meetings with her pastor to ‘sort herself out’ and ‘rid her of deviances’ and absolutely no contact with Katya, after her mother took the liberty of sending back her phone, were all requirements Trixie had to meet. She was miserable.

“Beatrice, I am leaving a list of chores for you to finish when you get home from school this afternoon, I won’t be home until late this evening and your father is away so you may help yourself to dinner,” Mrs Mattel told Trixie when she showed up in the kitchen at seven thirty.

“Ok,” Trixie answered quietly.

It was a far cry from the warm morning greetings and breakfasts that she had grown accustomed to.

“It might be nice for you to invite one or two of your classmates here for a cup of tea and a snack on your walk home. I know you aren’t mixing in yet and I think you should put a little more effort into making some new friends here.”

Trixie knew that this was one of the few attempts her parents made at being kind to her. With good intentions, she thought, but it still didn’t shake the ever-present anger she felt towards them for making this reality her new life.

“I’ll think about it,” Trixie said, taking a bite from a banana as she laced up her shoes.

“Make an effort, Beatrice. This is for your own good” her mother added, sounding frustrated, “I need to leave now. Don’t be late for school”

With that, she shut the front door behind her, leaving Trixie to her thoughts. She had a lot of time in this new life to sit with her thoughts, never with her emotions. She hadn’t cried since she arrived in Texas and she refused to let herself feel the loneliness, misery and guilt she had over leaving Katya, and her mother, and her friends. The one feeling she couldn’t resist was her deeply ingrained self-loathing that worsened every moment she spent with her parents, or in her small, Catholic school or in church and especially in her dreaded weekly meetings with the local pastor.

She quickly gathered her books, shoving a bottle of water and half a sandwich into her backpack haphazardly, locking the door behind her to begin the twenty-five-minute trudge to school, like she did every day, alone, without music. Not many other students came from the military base and the few that did, she had zero interest in getting to know. Whether it was to protect herself or to spite her parents, she wasn’t sure, but either way, Trixie knew she wasn’t about to put any effort into making new friends, she had her own, back at her real home. So she kept her head down throughout the day, only speaking when spoken to.

Breathing a sigh of relief when the final bell rang to signify the weekend, Trixie imagined she was the first person out the front door of the high school and down the street. Neglecting her usual route, she started off down a smaller, more covered road, going in the opposite direction from her house. _I have time,_ she thought, _and I’m not going to go sit in that house all day._

She walked slowly, taking in her surroundings until she came across a tall, rusted iron gate that guarded a small graveyard. Not really sure of what she was doing, Trixie slid the old bolt open and slipped inside. It was getting darker around her, but the place didn’t feel creepy, just more peaceful, like there was space to breathe.

Strolling further through the graveyard, Trixie felt like maybe this was a mistake. She felt far too comfortable, to the point where she was starting to scare herself. _How did I get to a place where I feel envious of the people buried under my feet,_ she wondered, _when did I become this person that wishes for death to come before tomorrow does?_

Tears falling silently down her face for the first time since she had left Katya, the blonde haired girl read out names from the eroded gravestones surrounding her.

“Anna Munroe”

“James Connelly”

“Edward Smith”

“Jackson Murphy”

“Andrew Martin”

“Mary… Alice… John… Zachary… Elizabeth… Esther… Lucas… Henry”

Name after name spilt from her lips, a twinge of jealousy with every word that wasn’t Beatrice Mattel.

“Loyal husband… faithful wife… mother… sister… son… father…”

_All of them beloved, bar me._ She moved deeper into the graveyard, thinking of the lives surrounding her. _None of them hated for loving, none of them wishing death upon themselves._

All she saw for what felt like miles were families buried together. Husbands and wives, sisters, brothers, reading the surnames and messages left to rot, forgotten. The further she went, the further she allowed herself to spiral, thinking of the mess she left behind, the pain she not only felt with every fibre of her being but the pain she had caused in her wake.

Trixie’s feet moving seemingly of their own accord, she took a left turn, walking slowly but surely. More family names, ‘The Lawless Family’, ‘Scott & Emma Tierney’, ‘Riordan’, ‘Shaw’, ‘Scollard’.

Two graves at the end of the small, stony path read,

 

Olivia Reynolds & Janet Dupont

With love,

In life,

Through death

 

Trixie stopped and sat down in front of it, reading the names and message over and over.

“Olivia and Janet,” she said aloud, “with love. Did you hate yourselves for it too? Were your lives full of shame for longing?” she asked a little louder, “did they tell you what they tell me, or did you already feel it on your own?”

Fresh tears fell as she sat, staring at the adjoining graves of two women, imagining in that moment what her own might read if this was where she were to stay.

 

Beatrice Mattel

Without love,

Hidden in life,

Alone at death

 

_If I go now, I won’t be buried with Katya._

 

Imagining her own gravestone. That’s where she caught herself. Sitting in an abandoned graveyard, in front of two deceased women she didn’t know, longing that she might soon be next to them, six feet under.

She needed to get out. She knew she didn’t deserve to die at the very least, and Katya deserved much better. Being here was slowly killing her, and Trixie knew that if this life didn’t take her first, she might have a hand in doing it herself.

She stood up and made her way back out of the tall, dark gates, the January cold biting at her ears and headed back in the direction of the last place she imagined she would find herself that evening, the library at the back of the school. Even the librarian had noticed something out of place and questioned her upon arrival.

“Young lady, we are closing in twenty minutes” the older woman informed her quietly from behind a desk that looked as old as she was.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just need to use the computers for ten minutes, I promise” Trixie swore, smiling sweetly.

“Make it quick then, please”

Trixie did, logging in straight away to check prices for flights back to Portland, praising herself ever so slightly for saving the small amounts of allowance her parents had sent her while she wasn’t living with them.

_$192 dollars, 12:30 pm, Monday, Killeen Fort-Hood Regional Airport, 1,320 miles, 3 hours and 45 minutes approx._

Trixie took down all the information she needed as quickly as she could, mentally noting to check the times at the bus stop for the airport services on her way back to the base.

_Three more days,_ she promised herself, _three more days, Katya._

Hearing the rolling of chair wheels and soft footsteps of the librarian coming to send her away, she logged off, saying a silent prayer that she could save herself and make it out of here alive.

 

All Katya had to do was hang on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this next part, please let me know if you have any feedback!  
> \- Lost Imp


	7. Part Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter than normal chapter, I'm sorry! I just wanted to write a catch up part on what's happening with Katya, because the last chapter was so Trixie-centric. I will do my best to have the next full chapter up within a week or two!

Katya didn’t really sleep anymore, or eat much, or leave the house. Not since she realised that no matter how many times she rang her own phone from Trixie’s, no-one was going to answer on the other end. She had resigned herself to her bedroom, school becoming a foggy possibility that seemed like it existed in an alternate universe, a blissful universe where Trixie was still a part of her everyday life and everything she felt wasn’t merely numbness and self-loathing. Margarita spent her days attempting to rouse a semblance of motivation in her daughter, pleading with her to consider the idea of getting help, or getting out of the house or just getting up out of bed. 

After about three miserable weeks, nothing had changed in the Zamolodchikova household and Katya’s mother was becoming desperate. She sent message upon message to the Mattels, asking them to reconsider moving Trixie away from her school district, insisting that she would keep a closer eye on their daughter, promising it would be better for everyone if the two girls remainin the same schoo together. Unsurprisingly, nothing ever came from the messages. 

Friday afternoon came and went much like the last two had, uneventfully. That was, until the evening time when the doorbell rang, not once, but three times, almost in a musical fashion. Margarita moved quickly to answer the door, while Katya, who heard the noise from her bedroom, didn’t move a muscle. A soft, smiling face greeted the Russian woman in the hallway.

“Hi, Mrs Zamo” Danny said, immediately wrapping her in a quick hug.

“Hello Danny, come in” Margarita smiled.

“Thanks” Danny kicked off their scuffed converse, long hair falling in front of their face, “I just thought I would come around and check on my girlfriends.” 

“Oh” 

“I mean, I know I didn’t say I was coming or anything, I hope it’s cool. I just wanted to say hi, because, you know, they haven’t been in school for a while. I called here last week too, but no-one was home” Danny explained.

Margarita thought back to last Friday when she had left the house for half an hour to buy the still uneaten food that she thought her daughter might like. Katya obviously hadn’t felt the need to open the door.

“Is everything ok? I mean, are Trixie and Katya here? Are they safe?” they asked, looking slightly anxious.

“Katya is upstairs in her room. I think she should explain” Margarita said softly, “you go ahead, you know where to go.”

 

_This feels weird_ Danny thought, climbing the stairs, _there’s no Dolly music or horrific Russian ballet playing_. They reached the top of the stairs and knocked tentatively on the bedroom door, opening it slightly when no response came from inside.

“Kats?” Danny questioned softly, spotting a mop of messy blonde hair on a pillow, “it’s me”

Rolling over in a pile of blankets to face the door, Katya opened her eyes, sitting up when she realised that it wasn’t her mother.

“Hi Dan” she mumbled, “what are you doing here?”

Danny moved to sit on the edge of the bed, “you haven’t been in school for weeks, Kats, and neither has Trixie. The last time we talked it was like, one in the morning and you were upset. I was worried.”

Katya felt a pang of guilt at the thought of bothering someone else with her problems. It’s not like she deserved any sympathy.

“Where’s Barbie?” Danny asked.

“Gone” Katya replied simply.

“What do you mean gone?” Danny’s eyebrows knitted together, trying to figure out what the hell was happening.

“She’s in Texas” 

“Why? What the fuck is going on Katya?” 

“Jesus Danny, I don’t know. My best fucking friend is gone to live with her bigoted, homophobic parents on a military base in Texas because they figured out that she isn’t a boring fucking straight, Christian, robot who does what she’s told when she’s told like we’re in the nineteenth century. And I don’t know how to function anymore and I haven’t showered in days and I can’t remember the last time I ate or changed or left the house or even fucking felt something” Katya blurted out, unable to restrain herself from vomiting out a string of words that gave an abbreviated, though somewhat accurate summary of the last few weeks.

“Ok, wow, Kats, you have to calm down for a second” Danny instructed, noticing how immediately laboured her breathing had become, “you have to breathe, babe,” they said, moving to sit next to Katya, coaxing deeper, slower breaths from her.

They sat together for a while, Danny’s arm around Katya’s shoulder as she leaned into her friend, copying a familiar breathing pattern that she had been through countless times with Trixie by her side.

“Honey, when was the last time you slept?” Danny asked quietly when they could finally get a closer look at Katya’s face, dark under eyes and red tinted pupils staring back at them.

“I don’t know. I nap here and there” Katya admitted, covering her own face with her hands and rubbing her eyes roughly.

Gripping her wrists gently, Danny met their friends gaze once more, “I want you to know that I say this with all my love”, they began, “but girl, you smell like shit.”

Smiling softly for the first time in weeks, Katya actually laughed, “you bitch, I smell how I feel.”

“Russian hooker?” Danny teased.

“Fuck off.”

“But seriously, this can’t be healthy, babe. You need to look after yourself first, then we can talk. Why don’t you shower and change and I’ll get food?” Danny bargained, hoping that they could get somewhere with Katya. It was blatantly evident that things in the Zamolodchikova household had gotten to a bad place.

Becoming more subdued again, Katya’s demeanour shifted from the momentary glimpse of her old self back into the depressed mess it had been a minute ago, “I don’t want to” she mumbled.

“I know it’s hard, honey, but I need you to try. You can’t live like this, it’s so far from healthy for you. And I’m worried.”

“No, Danny, I can’t” Katya reiterated, curling her legs into her chest.

“Why not, Kats? Just a quick shower, five minutes, I swear.” Danny pleaded.

“I don’t deserve it”

That sentence caught Danny off guard. They had never seen Katya like this and strongly doubted that she had ever behaved like this before. 

“Katya, I really need you to hear what I am saying to you, that is bullshit. Whatever had happened to you, and whatever has happened to Trixie, nothing is bad enough to warrant you thinking that you don’t deserve to take care of yourself.” Danny said firmly. 

“But –“

“No buts. None. If we’re going to help Trixie and work all this out, you need to have washed, eaten and slept. You’re not going to die on me now, Zamo, I’m too emotionally invested.”

Realising that fighting with Danny was going to get her nowhere, given that they were even more stubborn than she was, Katya nodded slowly and lifted herself out of bed. 

“Easy peasy” Danny smiled, “five minutes in the shower and I’ll grab you clothes and order a pizza, ok?”

“Ok”

 

 

Danny was right. Ten minutes later and a damp-haired, exhausted-looking Katya opened the door to the bathroom, swamped in an oversized hoodie and a pair of leggings. She was wrapped in a tight hug as her friend took her hand and led her down the stairs, sitting her on the couch.

Margarita walked into the living room from the kitchen and looked as if she had seen a ghost. She gave Danny a look of awe and moved to give her daughter a quick hug before she could stop herself, needing some form of release for all the relief she felt.

“Can I get you anything, Любовь моя?” Margarita asked her daughter, who hadn’t descended the stairs in four days.

Katya just shook her head.

“Actually, Mrs Zamo, I kind of ordered a pizza for us and –“

“Oh, how much does it cost? Thirty, or forty, no, fifty dollars? Did you order enough? I can make something for you as well?” she rushed to grab fifty dollars from her purse.

“Twenty dollars will cover it, no problem. And don’t worry, I got plenty” Danny smiled.

“ _Thank you_ ” Margarita mouthed.

Danny grinned back, returning to sit beside Katya, who looked as though she could fall asleep at any moment. She melted into her friend, curled into a tight ball desperate for the comfort that Danny’s presence brought her, where she stayed until Margarita came into the room with two large pizza boxes.

“I got veggie and plain cheese,” Danny said, opening up the cardboard and pulling a slice from one of the pizzas for themselves.

Reluctantly, Katya took a piece of vegetarian pizza and nibbled on the bottom of it, realising just how hungry she was, given that she was eating her first food item of the day at six thirty in the evening.

“So you want to explain to me what happened after Christmas?” Danny asked through a mouthful of crust, “because whatever is going on here is just not right. I’ve never seen you like this, Kats, no matter how bad of a day you’re having.”

Slowly but surely, Katya obliged, telling Danny about Mrs Mattel overhearing the messages read aloud from their group chat, Trixie talking about dying her hair and sleeping in Katya’s room. This all sounded completely normal to Danny, but they tried their best to comprehend the reaction that Trixie’s mother would have had to the situation. Katya strategically neglected any mention of kissing or sexuality, deciding that that was a conversation for another time. She then explained what had happened the following morning, Trixie feeling so ashamed that she had let her parents down by living a life that made her happy.

“So now Trixie is stuck somewhere in Texas without a phone or anything, and she doesn’t want to see me, or I don’t know, she thinks she should be there, I’m not sure. I can’t fix this.” Katya finished her sentence as she finished her third slice of pizza that she had unconsciously been eating as she spoke.

Danny took a minute to process all the information they had just received, but something just wasn’t sitting right. They could understand how Trixie had felt ashamed of herself while her parents were there, or even how she felt she needed to leave with them. Her parents had immense control over her once they were all in the same room together. What Danny couldn’t work out was how Katya, who was usually so energetic and enigmatic, had been reduced to a shell of herself, too depressed to function in her everyday life. They weren’t being shown the full picture but were hesitant in pushing for more answers.

“Ok, so Trixie chose to go with her parents?”

“No. Yes. I mean, not really. She told me she had to go. But that’s because they made her feel horrible about herself and her life.” Katya explained.

“Ok,” Danny paused for a minute, “and did something else happen to you in all this?”

Katya visibly tensed.

“Because, its just that the last time we talked, you called me and something was wrong, Katya, and you didn’t tell me what was going on. You promised you would talk to Trixie, did you?”

Katya shook her head slowly, recalling the slew of texts that had bombarded her phone that night when she couldn’t have piled even more of her shit on Trixie as if she hadn’t made her best friends’ life confusing enough without adding her abusive ex to the mix.

“I think you need to talk to me, babe. Something just isn’t right with you. Trixie being taken away, that’s awful, and we’ll figure out how to help her, but I don’t think that’s what caused all of this” Danny admitted, motioning to Katya herself, “and it’s scaring me how unhappy you are. You’re not ok” they finished, pulling nervously at the rip in the knee of their jeans.

Katya knew Danny was right, but it suddenly all felt too much for her to handle. The pizza wasn’t sitting well in her stomach and she had a funny taste in her mouth and her wet hair was damp on her back and Danny was asking too many questions and she felt disgusted that she had let herself give them this much information and she couldn’t stand herself any longer.

“You should go now, Danny, please. I don’t feel good. This pizza is making me sick.” Katya blurted, standing up from the couch and running towards the bathroom, locking the door firmly behind her.

Leaning over the toilet, she felt her stomach lurch. _Look at yourself_ Katya thought, _this is absolutely disgusting. You are so sick of yourself that you are physically vomiting._ She could hear Danny knocking softly on the door, pleading with her to let them in.

_You absolute fuck up, all you’re doing is hurting everyone around you._

She remained locked in the bathroom until she finally heard Danny leaving, fifty minutes later. Dragging herself up the stairs and back into her room, Katya took a long look at herself in the mirror before crawling under the mountain of dark blankets that had become her new home. She let her mind wander to the thought of her best friend, laying alone in a bed on the other side of the country, hurt and confused, all because of her.

_Maybe if I'm lucky, I won't wake up tomorrow morning, maybe this world will finally let me die._

 

 


	8. Part Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is finally a sort-of happier chapter. I promise things will take a nicer turn after this! I hope you enjoy this next part. As always, I'm open to feedback and love getting comments and opinions, so keep them coming!   
> \- Lost Imp

Trixie woke up to a tight, clenching feeling gripping her chest as she rolled over to check the time on her bedside clock. Five thirty am. T minus seven hours until she had to board a flight across the country. In an attempt to calm the panic rising in her stomach she made a mental check-list of all the things she needed to make it back home. No clothes, no phone, no luggage, but she did have a passport and roughly five hundred dollars saved, both of which were stowed safely in her school bag. As far as she was concerned, nothing could make her feel remotely alright about what she was about to do, but the idea of getting to see Katya and her mother and her friends at the end of it all kept her focused on following through.

By the time seven in the morning rolled around, she could hear her parents downstairs. Trixie already knew that they would be leaving once she had gone to school, and they wouldn’t be back until the following day. It was her responsibility to look after herself for twenty-four hours and she finally felt like she was taking steps towards that. Pulling on a pair of jeans and a plain white sweater, Trixie triple checked her passport and money were tucked away and headed downstairs, where she was promptly greeted with orders.

“Beatrice, you will have to cook something for yourself this evening, there’s plenty to eat in the fridge. I expect you to have finished some of your schoolwork and I suggest you do some work before your meeting with the pastor this Sunday, I know he had an assignment for you this week. The neighbours next door will help you if you need any assistance, but I trust that you can take care of yourself.”

_Good morning to you too,_ Trixie thought to herself, as she nodded along to her mothers’ words.

“Nothing out of the ordinary while we’re gone please, Beatrice” her father added, pulling on a pair of heavy boots.

“Of course not,” Trixie said, “god forbid” she muttered.

“If you have something to say, say it” her father responded sharply.

“No, nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow, I need to go to school” Trixie answered quickly, tying her own shoes and opening the door.

“Do you have your key?” her mother called from the kitchen.

“Yep,” Trixie yelled back before pulling the door behind her.

Glancing at her watch, she made yet another mental note. Seven twenty-two. She had thirty-eight minutes to make it to the bus station and onto a bus. She had left just early enough so that she wouldn’t meet anyone from the base that was walking to school that could ask difficult questions as she took the left turn opposite to her usual route. Nothing Trixie told herself could quell her anxiety and paranoia as she glanced over her shoulder every couple of minutes along the road to the bus station. Willing herself to fight her every instinct, she pushed forward reminding herself of Katya, whom she had left hurting, alone back home.

_A few hours,_ she promised herself, pulling open the door to the bus station, _a few hours until you’re home. Just keep going._

“Good-mornin',” an older man greeted from behind the desk as Trixie cautiously approached, “what can I do for you?”

“I need to catch the bus to the regional airport. The one at eight, please” Trixie asked quietly, pulling a twenty dollar bill from her purse, hoping that would cover the cost of a one-way ticket.

“Can I ask how old you are, young lady?”

“I’m sixteen” Trixie responded, not meeting his gaze.

“Where’s your mom and pop? Not with you?”

Trixie was getting nervous, not comfortable with all the questions. The less she had to explain to this man, the better.

“They’re meeting me at the airport” she lied, trying to put across an air of confidence.

“Ok, whatever you say,” he said, sounding unconvinced, but handed over a ticket anyway, “that’ll be thirty dollars”

Reluctantly, Trixie pulled another bill from her purse and handed it over.

With a quick thank you, she tucked her ticket into her pocket and took a seat on a bench, checking her watch. Seven forty-eight. Twelve minutes. Four hours and forty-two minutes until her flight took off. Thirty minutes on a bus to the airport.

When the bus pulled up, Trixie felt a sense a calm rush over her, Finally, she would be on her way, leaving her parents and the place that had caused her more pain than she had ever felt or ever thought she could endure behind.

_If that’s how I feel, imagine how Katya must be feeling, what she has to endure._

There were two other people on the bus, and Trixie’s new hobby following her trip to the graveyard of imagining what was going on in other people’s life came into full effect. Without her phone or music, and the only option within her reach for light reading being the bible, she had to find something else to occupy her time. The older lady and the younger man in front of her seemed just as calm as she was in that moment. _Maybe they’re thankful to be getting out of here too._

 

 

The airport had the opposite effect. It was loud and noisy and there were far more people around her, but Trixie was becoming more determined the closer she came to being home. She purchased a ticket to Portland without much hassle, handing over nearly two hundred dollars, leaving her with two hundred and twenty-eight dollars. Once she made it through security, she decided breakfast would be the best distraction before her flight boarded.

 

**“Flight 203 to Portland, Oregon. Gate 23A. Boarding Now”**

It was the announcement on the loudspeaker that dragged Trixie from her thoughts. Pulling her backpack over her shoulders, she joined the long line of people waiting to step onto the plane. Around her, everyone was plugged into a screen, earphones in, eyes down and it made Trixie miss Dolly. She hadn’t had a chance to listen to any of her music for weeks, or even to play her own on guitar, which had been left behind in the mess of leaving Katya. She was envious of the small children around her that had access to their favourite tv shows and the man in a suit behind her listening to a podcast. Among all the things that had been taken from her, music was at the top of the list of thing she missed the most, a much-needed comfort that had been kept from her since Christmastime.

Handing over her passport, she took a seat at the back of the plane, curling up and leaning her head against the window. Trixie was exhausted, but she knew that there was no use in trying to sleep on this flight. Three hours and forty-five minutes until she landed in Portland. Twenty-minute cab ride. Four and a half hours until she can see Katya, hug Katya, talk to Katya. She buckled in as the pilot spoke over the speaker, welcoming everyone on board the flight.

_What if Katya doesn’t want to see me though? What if she’s too hurt that I left her? It wasn’t my choice. But it was. I could have fought harder or stood my ground. But I’m too weak, god I’m so weak. And gross. Why would I tell her I liked kissing her? I don’t even know if I do and it’s just creepy. And disgusting. And after everything, she’s had to go through._

All it took was for the flight to take off and hundreds of thought ran through Trixie’s mind, second-guessing every decision she had made.

_Why did I think I could ever think I could pull off running away and leaving my parents behind? Why did I ever think Katya would want me back in her life?_

Trying not to cry, she shut her eyes and focused on her breathing, willing her mind to relax enough for her to survive the flight.

 

 

One thousand three hundred miles later, Trixie landed in Portland, shaky and tired and directionless. She wandered through passport control and towards the line of cabs outside the doors of airport arrivals. In her original plan, she had plenty of money to take a taxi back to Katya’s and run home, into the arms of her best friend and back into her old life. But now things were different. Every fibre of her being was telling her that no-one could want her back in their life, especially after what she had put both Katya and Margarita through. So she had nothing.

Trixie left the airport and walked in the direction of a row of shops, reasoning that maybe a warm drink would stop her hands from shaking. She found an empty looking café with a painted yellow door and decided that if she was going to break down, at least it would be in a place without many people.

“Can I get a cup of tea, please?” Trixie asked the woman at the counter, hoping her voice would remain steady.

“Sure, honey, do you want something to eat too? You look a bit pale” the woman asked, smiling.

Trixie felt her lip wobble and tears threatening to fall from her eyes. It was her first time experiencing kindness for weeks.

“I… I don’t know” Trixie whispered.

“Ok, angel, you just take a seat right here and I’ll fix you something, not to worry. You just sit right down and I’ll look after you”

It was all becoming too overwhelming for Trixie, who nodded and obliged, sitting up into a chair at the wooden counter of the small yellow shop as tears slipped slowly down her cheeks. She buried her face in her hands and let a mop of blonde hair fall forward over her eyes.

The kind woman returned from the kitchen and slipped around the counter to wrap an arm around Trixie, leaving a plate of food in front of her.

“Hey now, blondie, don’t cry. You want to have some pancakes?”

“I’m so.. sorry. I’m just really tired” Trixie sniffed, glancing around to make sure no one else was watching her fall apart. The three other people in the café seemed entirely unbothered by her presence.

“No need to apologise, honey. You’ll feel better after you’ve eaten, that’s what I always think. Nothing a nice meal and some talking can’t fix.”

Trixie nodded and took a sip of the tea in front of her, feeling the warmth run down her dry throat.

“What’s your name, angel?”

“I’m Trixie” she answered, smiling through teary eyes.

“It’s nice to meet you, Trixie. I’m Dela.”

Trixie took a forkful of syrupy pancakes and put it straight into her mouth, smiling once more at the taste. Dela obviously had just as much of a sweet tooth as she did.

“You like ‘em?” Dela asked, grinning at Trixie's happy expression.

“They’re delicious, thank you.”

“You want to tell me what’s up? It’s not often I have such pretty young girls in here looking as sad as you do. Are you all on your lonesome?” Dela asked, not wanting to pry, but unable to fight the maternal concern she felt.

“Yeah. I’m coming home, sort of, but I’m not sure it’s the right choice.” Trixie answered vaguely through another mouthful of pancakes.

“I’m sure your parents want you home, wherever you’ve been, darling.”

“It’s not that. I.. I ran away from my parents. This is my real home. I’m just not sure there’s a place for me here anymore.”

“Ah” Dela nodded knowingly, beginning to understand the situation, “so the people you love are here?"

Trixie looked up at her, puzzled. How did she know?

“I know a little thing or two about leaving home. I’m not from around here. I got out when I was eighteen, and worked here ever since. Twenty-three years. Now I own it. I’m not judging, you left because you had to. Am I right?”

Tears threatening again, Trixie forced a smile, “I had to”

“I know honey, I know.” Dela comforted, squeezing the younger girls hand.

Once Trixie had finished her food and her tea, she was back where she began. What was she going to do now?

“Thinking about going home yet?” Dela asked, returning from the kitchen.

“I don’t think I can” Trixie sighed, feeling a deep, sinking feeling in her stomach. _This was all for nothing. I’m going to end back up in Texas anyway._

“Well angel, the way I see it, you have two options. You call someone you love and ask for help, or you go right on back to where you came from. I don’t like the second option so much.” Dela put plainly, “so I’m gonna give you my phone, and you make a call.”

She had picked up on the fact that Trixie had no phone of her own a while back, and was more than happy to lend her own.

_I can’t call Katya,_ Trixie thought, _she shouldn’t have to help me, I got myself into this mess._

Clicking into Google on Dela’s phone, she logged into her Instagram and wrote a quick message to Danny.

“Dela, what’s your phone number?”

She typed the response into a text.

 

@danny_norriega: Hi Dan, I need your help. Can you please call 503-234-7837?

 

Within two minutes, the phone rang in her lap, and nervously, she answered the call.

“Trixie?”

“Hi Danny”

“Oh my god, you’re okay! Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay!” Danny shouted down the phone.

“I’m okay, I guess. I’m safe.” Trixie responded in a much quieter register.

“Good. Right. Where are you? I missed you. I love you”

“I’m in a café”

“In Texas?”

“In Portland”

“What?! Where?! How did you get here?”

“I ran away,” Trixie admitted.

“Trixie Mattel, you fucking badass bitch!”

She could hear the smile in Danny’s voice, wishing she could share the same enthusiasm for what she had just done.

“So where are you? I’ll come to get you!”

“I.. I don’t know Danny. Katya probably doesn’t even want to see me. I hurt her so badly. I’m such a disgusting person for what I did to her, for what I told her, and I just…”

“Trixie, shhh. You need to calm down and listen to me. She needs you more than ever right now. You need her too. And I will never, not ever, not even for a second hear that you are disgusting. It’s a fucking lie and a horrible one at that. I don’t know what they told you, but whatever you heard while you were away, about yourself or who you are, it’s wrong. Now please, tell me where you are so I can come to get you” Danny finished, listening to soft sobs coming from the other end of the phone.

“I.. I… I’m in Yellow Brick Café. Beside the airport.” Trixie mumbled.

“I’ll be there within half an hour. Don’t move. I love you” Danny said, before hanging up.

Handing the phone back to Dela, she allowed herself to be wrapped up in yet another hug.

“I don’t know who hurt you, girly, but I sure as hell hope they don’t get close enough to do it again” Dela whispered, running her hands through Trixie’s hair.

“Thank you for being so kind to me, Dela. My friend is coming now, you don’t have to worry.” Trixie thanked her, feeling embarrassed by how much of a mess she was causing.

“Don't you feel bad at all, honey. You just remind me a lot of myself. A little lost, a little hurt. You’ll get there, don’t you worry” Dela smiled, “now how about another cup of tea?”

 

 

Twenty-eight minutes later and a frantic figure burst through the door of the quiet café, dark hair and matching dark boots and dark eyes searching for a blonde head.

“Trixie!” Danny exclaimed, running over to wrap her in a hug.

Once again Trixie burst into a fresh set of tears, cursing herself for looking like such a wreck.

“I missed you Barbie, so much” Danny whispered, “so damn much”.

Trixie just let herself cry and cry until she felt that if she cried anymore, she would break.

“I missed you too”

“Where’s all your stuff?” Danny enquired looking around for a sign of a suitcase or any luggage.

“She didn’t come with any” a voice announced from behind the counter, “I’m Dela. You must be here for my blondie”

Danny grinned back at her, “that’s me, Blondie’s taxi driver, just here to answer to her beck and call. I’m Danny.”

Trixie eventually unwrapped herself from Danny’s limbs to thank Dela and leave a fifty dollar bill on the counter, much to the older woman’s protest, promising that she would come to see her again to thank her properly, leaving hand in hand with her friend.

Sitting in Danny’s mother’s car, she couldn’t keep her knees from bouncing up and down. Her thoughts had time to race on the drive back as she ran through every single version of a conversation that could happen between herself and Katya, none of them including a  happy ending.

“Trix, she wants to see you. She needs to see you. She’s not in a good place.” Danny said.

“It’s my fault” Trixie admitted, “it’s my fucking fault.”

“No, babe, it isn’t. It really isn’t. And you can’t see that right now because you aren’t in a good place either, and you need each other.” Danny answered sympathetically, their heart breaking at the thought of what their closest friends had been put through by the people around them.

Mulling Danny’s words over in her head, she reminded herself of why she chose to come back in the first place. She was here to help Katya. And she was here to keep herself alive.

“Okay,” she said, “I trust you.”

They sat in silence for the last couple of minutes, Danny giving her space to breathe until they pulled into the driveway.

“You’ll come in with me?”

“I won’t leave until you want me too” Danny promised, taking her hand and walking up to the door, knocking quietly.

 

 

 

 

Soft footsteps made their way to the door, pulling it open slightly to reveal a slim, tired figure.

“Trixie?”

“Hi, Mara” Trixie greeted, biting her lip nervously.

“Oh my baby” she gasped, wrapping her in a hug, “you came back home, oh my poor baby. Are you okay?”

Trixie couldn’t lie to her, “no, not really. But I think I’ll be able to work on it now I’m back home if it’s okay that I stay here?”

Taken aback by how reserved Trixie was in what Margarita considered to be her home. She hugged her again, “of course it is, this is your home baby. Do your parents know you’re here?”

Trixie’s face paled as she shook her head.

“No matter. We can discuss that later. I think there’s someone upstairs that might want to see you” Margarita smiled, squeezing the young girls hand comfortingly.

“Trix, you want me to go? I can come back whenever you need, just call. But I think you should do this next bit on your own.” Danny suggested.

Nodding slowly, Trixie knew that they were right, she needed to see Katya on her own.

“Okay. I’ll call you later though?”

“You call me whenever you need me Barbie, I’ve got your back,” Danny said, kissing her forehead gently and heading out the door.

“I’ll just be down here, baby,” Margarita said, as Trixie nervously climbed the stairs.

 

 

Standing outside Katya’s door, she felt her heart thumping hard in her chest. Pushing down all of the horrible thoughts, she knocked, one quietly, and once again when she got no answer.

A few moments passed without an answer and she opened the door slowly to reveal the back of Katya’s head facing the wall where she lay in her bed.

“Katya?” she questioned, “it’s me.”

Katya’s eyes opened at the sound of the familiar voice and she turned to face the door.

Trixie smiled shyly, hesitant to make any move for fear that she would upset her best friend.

“You came home” Katya whispered before bursting into loud, heavy sobs that wracked her entire body. She couldn’t breathe.

Rushing to kneel on her bed, Trixie wrapped her arms around Katya who let herself fall into the other girl's lap, shoulders heaving as she cried uncontrollably.

“Hey, hey, shhh” Trixie coaxed, feeling her own tears fall, “it’s okay, it’s all going to be okay.” She sat a rubbed her best friends back for as long as it took for her to calm down and sit back up, looking into Trixie’s eyes.

“I thought I was going to die” Katya whispered.

“So did I” Trixie whispered, wearily.

“But you came home”

“I came home”


	9. Part Nine

Soft rain fell against the window accompanying the gentle folk music that played from a record player somewhere across from the bed. A sense of rare calm in the room as Trixie lay curled up next to her best friend, hands lightly braiding and un-braiding her hair. The ability to breathe unrestricted, peaceful air filling her lungs with an innate sense of home. She had music, she had warmth, she had Katya. Without losing herself in her own mind, Trixie just allowed herself to feel okay. Beside her, Katya’s eyes opened slowly, sighing in relief and leaning closer to the cosy presence next to her.

“Hi” Trixie whispered.

“Hi”

“You slept” Trixie smiled softly their noses almost touching.

“I did” 

“When was the last time you slept?” Trixie wondered out loud.

Suddenly aware and embarrassed by her appearance, the other girl pulled back slightly, avoiding eye contact, “I don’t know. I didn’t really get much sleep since you left. I know I look gross.”

“It’s not that” Trixie stopped her, “it’s just that you don’t look like yourself. You just look paler than usual -  and like you’ve lost weight.”

Katya didn’t answer, she had nothing to say. Trixie was right, she hadn’t been sleeping or eating or even leaving her room.

“Katya, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I did this to you” Trixie admitted, squeezing Katya’s hand tightly in her own.

“What are you talking about? You didn’t do anything. I fucked up, not you. You were taken away and I didn’t come get you, and I got myself into my own mess” Katya said, keeping her tone low to match her energy level, looking Trixie dead in the eyes, struggling to understand how her best friend felt she could take the blame for any of this.

“Everything I said that night, leaving the way I did, it just – “

“No, Trixie, nothing you did was wrong.” Katya insisted, earnestly.

“Then why do I feel so wrong?” she asked, blinking back at her.

It was Katya’s turn to feel guilt. Guilt that she hadn’t followed her best friend to Texas, or handled the night she left better, or made her feel like her sexuality was something they could discuss together. Mostly she felt guilty for not recognizing how much she had been struggling sooner, and instead of helping her, Katya had just dumped all of her problems with her ex-boyfriend on top of her.

“I don’t know, Trix, I really don’t. You’re not wrong, everything is just a mess.”

They lay facing each other, searching the opposite’s expressions for some sort of assurance that they could figure the mess out together. Nothing in either girls’ eyes told the other that things would get easier, but at least they were together.

Trixie leaned closer to Katya, who reached an arm out and placed it on her best friends cheek, leaning in so that there was mere millimetres between their noses. Trixie could feel warm breath on her lips, tentatively placing her own hand on Katya’s waist, holding her breath. Just as she moved further forward to close the small gap between them, something caught her eye.

“Kats?”

“Mmm?”

“What happened to your arm?”

Katya’s eyes widened as she grabbed her sleeve and yanked it back over her wrist, pulling her arm away, but not before Trixie had gently wrapped her own hand around her elbow. She watched, terrified, as her best friend carefully lifted back her sleeve.

“Did you do this to yourself?” Trixie whispered, willing her voice to remain steady as she stared down at angry, red lines.

“Forget it. Please. It was stupid” Katya felt her cheeks turning bright red, for all the wrong reasons.

“No, it’s not stupid. Can we please talk about it?” Trixie asked, releasing her elbow and placing her hand back on Katya’s waist where she felt it belonged.

“It was stupid. It was an impulse. I was in a dark place a few nights ago and I didn’t know where to turn. It was really stupid.”

“I’m sorry you had nowhere to turn.”

“It’s not your fault, Trix. It’s not. I’m so sorry. I’m a mess and everything is just.. I don’t know-“

Trixie brought her other hand up to meet Katya’s lips, gently pressing a finger against her lips to silence her.

“Stop spiralling, please. It is a mess, I’m a mess. I have about twelve hours before my parents find out I’m gone, I feel like shit and I don’t know what’s happening. But we’re here, for now at least. We’ll figure it out.”

Katya nodded, pressing her forehead back against Trixie’s.

“Where were we?” she whispered, leaning in to finally meet Trixie’s soft pink lips with her own.

Soft rain fell against the window accompanying the gentle folk music that played from a record player somewhere across the room. A sense of rare calm in the room as Trixie lay curled up next to her best friend, who was kissing her, holding her, loving her. Warmth and comfort radiated from their skin, entangled and intertwined, kissing.

Finally dragging themselves out of bed, the two girls ventured down the stairs to the kitchen, Katya in a black, oversized hoodie and Trixie wrapped in a pink, fluffy blanket. It felt nice to have her things back. Both had a mission, Katya wanted Trixie to talk to her, to talk about what happened in Texas, to make sure she knew that who she is, is more than okay. More than perfect -  stong, tall, beautiful, blonde and perfect. Trixie just wanted Katya to eat.

“My two girls!” Margarita exclaimed as they both sleepily slid into chairs at the island counter, hurrying around to hug them both. It was nice for her to see her own daughter out of bed for the first time in weeks.

“What can I make for you? Pancakes? Waffles? French toast? I have fruit too, fresh from the farmers market! Or yogurt? Eggs?”

“Mama!” Katya interrupted, “oстановить! Can I just have some coffee please?”

“Sorry, Любовь моя, I’ll make you some coffee. Trixie, some tea?”

“Yes please!” Trixie grinned. She missed this.

“And what can I get you to eat?”

“Actually, I haven’t been allowed to bake for weeks, can I make some muffins real quick?” Trixie asked hopefully.

“You do not even need to ask, my darling, this is your home, you do what makes you happy” Margarita answered, pouring a hot kettle of water into the coffee pot.

Trixie was about to cry, she could feel it. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, fighting to fall. For once, they were happy tears. She slipped out of her seat, draped her blanket on the back and opened her baking cupboard. It was full of new things, all her sugars, flours and oils replaced, more pink decorations and icing than she had ever owned.

“It’s full” she whispered.

“Oh!” Mara remembered, “I filled it up a few weeks ago. It looked a bit empty, and I knew you would need more when you came home.”

That broke Trixie, heavy tears spilling onto the bag of flour she held in her hands, that Margarita quickly removed.

Trixie wrapped her arms tightly around the Russian woman’s shoulders, as she held her close, “thank you” she whispered.

“I love you, my angel” Mara whispered in return, “welcome home.”

Once she had calmed herself, Trixie produced, not one, not two, but three kinds of muffins within the space of thirty five minutes. Blueberry, chocolate chip and lemon. Katya had just sat back and admired the process, while Margarita had seized the opportunity to make it past the threshold of Katya’s bedroom to change the sheets and clean it up a little, leaving them alone.

Placing a large tray of warm muffins on the counter, alongside Katya’s third cup of coffee and her fourth cup of tea, Trixie re-joined her best friend at the counter and unwrapped a chocolate muffin.

“God, I haven’t had chocolate in so long” Trixie mumbled, mouth full of milk chocolate chips.

“They don’t have chocolate in Texas?” Katya joked.

“Very funny” Trixie pulled a face, “eat, you.”

Katya actually surprised herself by how immensely hungry she felt, for once, the feeling possibly aided by the smell of warm muffins. She grabbed a blueberry muffin, unwrapping it and taking a huge bite, her expectations fully met by how delicious it tasted.

“But seriously, no chocolate in Texas? What’s that all about?” Katya furthered her question.

“They have chocolate in Texas, you idiot. I just didn’t” Trixie answered, mouth still full of muffin.

“Your parents are anti-chocolate?”

“No, not really. I just didn’t let myself because-“

Trixie stopped. Katya knew she had hit a nerve. Turning to face the other girl, she tentatively inquired again.

“Because why?”

“It’s dumb”

“Trix?”

“Because I guess I was punishing myself. I didn’t deserve it,” she admitted cautiously.

And there it was. That overarching atmosphere of bad. A pleasant morning doesn’t erase the difficult situation they both found themselves in. It doesn’t erase the trauma and questionable mental health that accompanies that situation.

“Hey?” Katya coaxed, lifting Trixie’s chin with her index finger, “we’ll work it out, right?”

“I just don’t know how.”

“We will work it out” Katya answered, connecting their lips once more, comfortingly.

It was quick, but it was all Trixie needed to remind her that she had someone to fight for, someone to fight with. A life full of love was right within her reach, right next to her, smiling a soft smile and pushing a strand of choppy blonde hair from her face.

 

 

Trixie showered after breakfast, enjoying the smell of her cotton candy body wash that had been so sadly separated from her for the past few weeks. Her long hair smelled of strawberries once more and her fluffy towel was exactly where she had left it, freshly washed and waiting for her on the towel rack of her bathroom. Amazingly, sometimes all it takes to feel a little more like yourself is a shower.

Katya had done the same, forgoing the strawberry shampoo for a woodier smelling natural soap, something she claimed was as natural as Olga Korbut landing her signature move. Trixie, afraid to ask any questions, took her at her word. When she returned to their room, hair wrapped and towel tied tightly, Katya was still in the same position she had left her in, half naked on the bed.

“Glad to see you’re still the same Russian whore you were a month ago” Trixie teased, grabbing her moisturiser and applying it liberally to her face, neck and chest.

“Mama, once a whore, always a whore” Katya winked in return.

Blushing ever so slightly, the taller girl removed her long locks from their confined head wrap and staring at her hair in the mirror.

“I want it pink” Trixie mused, lifting a mop of hair away from her face.

“Manic Barbie attempt two?”

“Yep” Trixie confirmed, “no time like the present.”

“Do you mean to say you want us to leave this safehouse and venture into the outside world, merely for you to fulfil your dreams of becoming an even more realistic Barbie doll on steroids?”

“I don’t know. I want the dye, I don’t want to leave.”

“Well then, babe, it seems we are at an impasse. The way I see it, we have three options, we leave, we ask my mama to leave, or, and here’s the kicker, phone a friend.”

“Okay” Trixie considered, walking away from the mirror to sit beside Katya on their bed, “we don’t wanna leave, I don’t wanna make Mara leave, so that means phone a friend.”

“But who do we trust with such an important task?”

“I don’t like to keep asking Danny to do stuff for us, but considering they’ve texted me seven times today already asking how we are, maybe that’s who we call?”

“And do you propose Danny to be the one to permanently alter your beautiful blonde hair?” Katya asked, running her hands through the ends of Trixie’s hair.

“Maybe not” Trixie smiled softly, allowing herself to enjoy the personal attention, “Violet?”

“If you want military precision, Vi’s probably the best. Militant hairdressing it is.”

Trixie grabbed her phone, setting her happy plan in motion. She still felt like she was living in a dreamhouse, at least for another nine hours or so until her parents figured out she had left.

                                _Hey Danny, Kats and I are okay. We’ve eaten and showered, which by_

_my standards right now, is pretty good. I’ve a favour to ask… can you_

_please pick up a box or two of pink hair dye and also, Violet, and come_

_to ours? I’ll love you forever xxx_

Danny simply replied with four words, “ _Give me thirty minutes xx”_

Trixie smiled down at her phone, then lifted her gaze to follow Katya’s line of vision. The other girl seemed to just be raking up and down her somewhat unclothed body.

“Hey, whatcha looking at?” Trixie smiled, pulling Katya from her daze.

“Nothing mama, if you consider blonde goddesses to be nothing” Katya smirked back.

Trixie blushed and hid her eyes under a wave of hair.

“Hey?” Katya said questioningly, touching the other girls shoulder softly, “can we talk?”

Trixie nodded softly.

“I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what happened to you while you were gone. I don’t know how you’re feeling, with everything… and sexuality… and us. I just need you to know that we can talk, y’know, about stuff”

Trixie visibly tensed. Maybe Barbie’s dreamhouse wasn’t going to last for nine hours at all.

“I’m not ready” Trixie stated, firm in her delivery, “shit happened in Texas. I don’t know where to start. Sexuality… is just not even.. a thing. But us…” she stared Katya right in the eyes, “I like us. I like this” she gestured between the two of them, “but I don’t know how far or what you’re ready for, after…” she trailed off, alluding to something she didn’t even want to think about, but had to.

“It’s okay. I like this too. But I don’t know what I can do either.”

“So we go slow?”

“We go very slow. But we need to talk too, right? About everything?” Katya checked, making sure they were both on the same page. She knew as well as Trixie did that they were on borrowed time, until tonight, when everything was likely to implode, even more than it already had.

“We’ll talk” Trixie nodded affirmatively.

“Good. Later.” Katya nodded in return.

Gradually, Trixie ran her foot up Katya’s leg, sliding along the bed until they were right next to each other, again.

“We need to stop meeting like this, mama, especially in with this level of indecent dress” Katya mumbled as Trixie drew closer.

“Tell me about it…” Trixie breathed against Katya’s lips, “it’s scandalous”

And for the third time that morning, they found themselves linked in an embraced, legs tied around legs, arms wrapped around bodies and lips moving ever so softly in time with one another. Just innately home.

Pulling away from the kiss took multiple tried and failed attempts, one of which left Trixie slightly less clothed than she had wanted, as she had made a move to get dressed and was tugged gently back onto the bed. Needless to say, towels can only handle a certain amount of tugging.

It was a text from Danny that finally coaxed them to throw on clothes, after they were informed that, they would have hair dye and company within the next five minutes.

 

 

Violet never cried, but something about her slightly imperfect eyeliner and messily applied mascara led Trixie to believe that the car ride to their house hadn’t been a particularly joyous one for Danny and Violet. She must have been filled in on the details of the last few days. She made sure to give Vi an extra-long hug upon arrival.

“Hey Vi, long time no see” Katya greeted from where she had perched herself in a handstand against the back wall of the room.

“Miss me? Or has all the blood just gone to your head?” Violet quipped back.

“Oh, I missed your fiery tongue and sharp wit, alright. Venom of a python, this one” Katya grinned, kicking herself back down into a standing position, and wrapping an arm around Violet’s tiny waist, “thanks for coming” she added sincerely.

“So Trix, we’ve got the goods” Danny said, producing three variants of pink dye, ranging from pale pastel, to bright bubble gum.

“Which one would my parents hate the most?” Trixie joked, a dark undertone to her question.

Danny and Violet shared a look, not quite knowing how to respond. Katya stepped in, linking her hands together around Trixie’s waist from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder.

“We’re not thinking about them for another eight and a half hours. Which one’s your favourite, Dolly?”

“Sorry” Trixie mumbled, shaking her parents from her mind, “that middle one”, she pointed, “halfway between baby pink and bright pink” she decided.

“I’m proud of you, Trixie, that’s the one I would have picked too” Violet congratulated.

“High praise, coming from the person that obviously has a superior taste palette to the rest of us” Danny joked, poking Violet’s side.

“Clearly” she responded, signalling to her immaculately concocted black and red ensemble, leaving the bedroom to go mix up the dye and grab a towel.

The afternoon passed pleasantly, Trixie and Violet sitting cross-legged in front of a full length mirror on the towel-covered floor, endless strips of blonde hair carefully painted with thick pink dye. Danny and Katya applied black nail polish on each of their twenty nails, and once they became bored with that, Katya drew small sharpie designs up and down Danny’s forearms. The conversation veered clear of anything to do with the fact that Trixie nervously checked the time every twenty minutes and Katya hastily pulling away when Danny went to reciprocate some of the beautiful sharpie tattoos on her own forearms. They chatted easily about music and clothes and hair and, thanks to Katya’s impromptu inputs, Russian gymnastics.

“You know, Sharon and Lasky got suspended for three days last week?” Danny informed them, the conversation shifting to the other members of their friend group.

“What? Why?” Trixie asked, intrigued.

“I know! Smoking! No, weed!” Katya answered.

“No, surprisingly” Violet said.

“Fucking!” Danny grinned ear to ear, “in the bathrooms.”

“Okay, Danny, calm down. Some kid freaked because there was a red bra on the floor outside a stall and found a teacher who practically knocked down the door” Violet interrupted.

“Yeah, cause they were fucking!” Danny insisted.

“No, they were making out. Jesus, calm down. But Sharon is Sharon, so obviously she had Alaska’s bra off within minutes.” Violet rolled her eyes.

“So Sharon and Alaska are suspended. How’s Court?” Trixie asked.

“Peppy as ever. She got her grades back up, so she’s allowed to come out with us again. There’s actually this party – never mind.” Danny stopped themselves.

“What party?” Katya asked.

“It’s nothing” Violet said, glancing over at Danny. She picked up on the cues Danny had left for her. Now was not the time to talk about that party, especially given what had happened in that place the last time they all went out. “Your hair’s good to go, Trixie, if you want me to wash it out?” she changed the subject.

Excitedly, Trixie jumped up and practically bounced into the bathroom, followed by an ever-graceful Violet, who followed slowly, balancing on top of her ‘short’ five inch heels. While they were in the bathroom, Danny took their chances to figure out where things stood with Katya.

“So, Kats, what’s up?” Danny asked quietly.

“Nothing” Katya smiled, “we’re good. All is well, Barbie’s about to be fully pink!”

“Don’t bullshit me. You won’t let me touch your arms, Trixie checks the time like an addict, and you both share these looks…”

“What _looks_?”

“As if everything is about to come crashing down on you”

Katya sighed, dropping her head to her hands, “well, what if it is?”

“Katya, you need help. Both of you. You can’t just magically fix what’s happened to you” Danny admitted.

“You don’t think I know that? But after everything… and when Trix’s parents find out she’s gone..”

“You’ll figure it out. But ask for some fucking help. You aren’t in this alone. Okay?” Danny questioned.

“I think she’ll have to go to court” Katya mumbled.

“What?” Danny said, shocked.

“Trixie. I think, if she wants to live here, to live at all, she needs to be away from them. And they aren’t going to give up easy” Katya admitted, her worst fears vocalised in a way that she didn’t feel she could yet, with Trixie.

“If that’s what needs to happen, Kats, it’ll happen. But you need help too. You haven’t been right, even since before Trixie left. Promise me this is where you stop being quiet? Promise me this is where you and Barbie figure this out, and ask for help? She needs to understand how bad things got when you weren’t here, with everything. Even the stuff you won’t tell me about. Promise?” Danny asked earnestly.

“I promise. I love her, Danny” Katya replied, staring them right in the eye, “so god damn much”

“I know you do,” Danny said, pulling her into a hug. Something inside their mind told them that there was more to that than Katya was admitting.

After a while of sitting in together comfortably and Danny tightly braiding Katya’s hair into two braids down the back of her head, the sound of a blow-drier quietened.

“Ladies, gentlemen, everyone in between!” Violet announced, suddenly appearing in the doorway, “I present to you, the new and improved, mint condition, BubbleGum Barbie!”

Violet stepped out of the way to reveal Trixie, grinning ear to ear, with soft pink curls flowing perfectly down her shoulders, the light catching strands of pristinely styled, bubble gum pink hair.

“Wow,” Danny gasped.

“I know” Violet smiled, proudly, admiring her handiwork.

Katya said nothing, just stared, open-mouthed.

“What d’you think, Kats?” Trixie blushed.

“You look perfect,” Katya said simply.

No joke, no Russian, just perfection. Trixie just stared back at her, pink cheeks matching pink hair, uninterrupted by the very confused look that Violet and Danny shared behind them.


End file.
